Jiwa Mendung

108. Star Wars marathon ftw

2012-02-28T10:15:00.001-08:00

Okay, I know I'm a bit late in boarding this ship, but at least I'm on it now. I get all those Star Wars references. I can finally laugh comfortably when anyone's pulling a Yoda or an Obi-Wan, I finally know what's going on whenever Sheldon's quoting a line from the movie. I get that all now.

First of all, I have to sarcastically thank Aisha, for spoiling the entire movie saga during Physics. I sarcastically appreciate all that with all my heart. Seriously, I was being very excited for doing a Star Wars marathon, and she was all in my face saying Anakin Skywalker's Darth Vader, and he's Luke Skywalker's father. Way to go to spoiling the surprise.

Of course I know Darth Vader's Luke's father, I just never knew Anakin's Darth Vader. There weren't much reference on that to begin with. I started off with IV and I couldn't help imagining Anakin under that Darth Vader suit which is very distracting.

On with the movie. Before I tell my perspective towards this fandom, I'll have to say one thing: The sequels and the prequels are partially different trilogies combined to become a whole saga. To be honest, the prequels felt more of a spin-off than actual prequel events occuring in the same movie. And I think, it was a wise choice of George Lucas to produce IV, V,VI first, before I, II, III. Basically, the the first three parts focused on the life of Anakin Skywalker and his journey to the dark side, while the last three parts focused on the adventure of Luke Skywalker and his journey in discovering his father's true identity, and of course the occasional political plotline in the background for all 6 movies.

I think I prefer the prequels. I've looked it up, and I've discovered that a lot of people prefer the sequels rather than the prequels, but that's just because the format and the whole premise of the movies are really different in both trilogies. The sequels looked very old-fashioned and lack futuristic setting. The hairstyles was very 70's, the clothes were quite tacky, the script a bit cheesy, and the whole plot seemed very forced and unnatural.

The prequels on the other hand, had a lot of aliens, and convincing inter-galactical setting. The clothes was admirably very odd and unique, as well as the hairstyles. It's like they pulled off quite a possible galaxy if it existed in the 17th century. The cinematography was more bearable, the script was better, and there were more emotions involved. It kind of emphasized on how humane Darth Vader was before he became Darth Vader.

Based on what I see, I can conclude that the moral I got from the story, is how vulnerable and eager a teenager can be in trying to be a help in anything. I mean, one of the things that are obvious in the prequels is how young Anakin Skywalker was. He was very young, but he was eager to have a better system for the galaxy, in which his opinion suggests dictatorship. And when he was offered the power, he was hesitant at first questioning his principles and morals, but ended up taking it, throwing away his family, his friends and his only chance in living a normal life. He chose power, but was it worth it?

Sometimes we don't know if something that we think is beneficial, is actually worth all the risk, especially when we're still young and has much more to learn from wiser old people.( In this case Yoda, or Obi Wan). Although we might be right, it could cost a lot more than we bargained for. At the end of the day, we're humans, we make mistakes, the only question is, how big are the consequences?

Overall, decent movie. I can't say I'm obsessed or deeply effected by the sheer brilliance of George Lucas, Star Wars isn't Harry Potter or Grey's Anatomy, but I can say it was a really good watch, and all Star Wars references seem very clear now.

107. Fire drill & Muet

2012-02-24T07:47:00.001-08:00

So basically, there was a firedrill at our mahallah, and I don't know about you guys who've been to boarding schools, but firedrill in the middle of the night? Seriously? At 12 freaking AM? That's pretty absurd.

I mean, some of us have quizzes and tutorials to submit the next day, and although people can argue "What if there was a real fire, would your quiz matter?" I dare say, if there really was a fire, classes would've been cancelled the next day, we might get the week off, and as for the tutorials, they could've been burnt alongside the fire. Since that's not the case, I am really bothered with this unnecessary fire drill, that took 2 hours off our schedule just so we can see a bunch of firemen making a fire a couple of times and putting it out again.

And one thing I want to point out, how is that everybody had the time to change to appropriate attire? I mean, I went down with a jacket and a kain batik, and how is that people were wearing sports attire in which I am confident they don't wear that going to bed. I feel a sense of betrayal o my behalf, out of the whole mahallah, I was the only one wearing a kain batik, and ironically I knew about the firedrill about 20 minutes before it actually happened. =,=

---

For Muet, I was really nervous, I didn't know what to expect and what were the possible mistakes I could've done, because it has been a long time since I took English as a subject, so I watched a lot of movies that have debates and reasonings. The History Boys, Thank you for smoking, Rocket Science, Submarine, Extremely loud incredibly clear, Community, etc. But I can hardly say those helped. I mean, it did help with my vocabulary, but I still didn't gain much confidence to stay calm about it.

I asked Akah for some advice, in which she told me to watch All About Eve( a 50's movie starring Bette Davis, which by the way was prettty good), she wasn't answering the question, so I called her the night before, and she gave me a lot of tips and visualizations of what to come, thanks Akah.

And btw, she was studying for a bilogy quiz the next day. "I spent two hours reading about a man's penis!" LOL, I almost forgot how much I missed conversing with her.

Alas, the day came, it said on my slip, my session starts at 7.30AM, I was ready by 7, and turns out, my turn was at 9.40 AM -.- and it didn't go so well, my group was very off topic during the second task. and I couldn't help but to feel down throughout the whole day =,=

106. Aku sebuah bas double decker

2012-02-19T00:38:00.000-08:00

LOL. Ahmad's birthday is coming up and I asked him what he wants. He said he wanted a phone and I said "No way, you're getting a book, what kind of book do you want?" and he said he doesn't care as long as it's not scary or else he'll get nightmares XD

I kind of had Mark Haddon in mind, something in between the lines of Boom! and The Curious Incident of the Dog at the Night Time, because we already have all the Whimpy Kid books and he seem to enjoy first person point of view stories, but after reading his very entertaining malay autobiography essay up there, I think I need to give him a PTS book or any Malay book that can help him.

P/s: That essay is definitely going on my notice board in UIA.

105. Alternate fairy tale universe

2012-02-18T08:53:00.000-08:00

There's just something about mashing up different universes that is interesting to watch. It's not specifically the science behind it, I think it's more about the familiarity behind each subject and their chemistry with other familiar subjects from other universes. It's overall very fascinating, really.

Fairy tale mash-ups isn't something new, Shrek has done it, all four movies( five if you count in the spin-off, Puss in Boots), both Hoodwinked and Hoodwinked too, we even have our local Magika, the tenth kingdom in all its 10 hour glory and a lot more, but these are by far the most mashed and mixed I can think of. So, when I found out there was a fairy tale mash up TV series currently running, I kind of expected redundant possibilities and dull fairy tale impersonations, but I was wrong- deeply wrong.

Once Upon a Time is the most awesome fairy tale mash up ever. Seriously, I never thought altering that much universes was even possible. Everything's brilliant, I simply love how everything isn't in chronological order. The main universe starts at the beginning, but the fairy tale verse started with the curse and kind of reversed it's order and mismatch in every episode, like joining all the puzzle pieces altogether one at a time, everything was like unraveling the answer to the ultimate riddle: What if all fairy tale characters were to come alive and lived in our world where their happy endings are taken away from them?

I've gotta say, this is one of those rare TV shows where I practically grew fondment towards each character, as in EACH character, including the evil queen. I even like both Prince Charmings, I don't usually do. They tend to look utterly plastic and materialistic, but somehow the Prince Charmings in this show are indeed in fact...charming, especially James- well until they pushed him into an unloved marriage with the daughter of King Midas, he was my favorite character, but guess what, I've given that title to none other than.... Rumplestiltskin!

To be honest, Rumplestiltskin is actually one of my least favorite fairy tale, the first time I knew the story was when I read about it in a book at a library, I was about 5 so it was quite late, compared to the other fairy tales whereby I've known about them since I could ever remember. I couldn't find any moral from it, starting with an irresponsible father selling out his daughter, a helpless woman pathetically trying to live up to that expectation, and a creature suddenly pops up and makes things better in return for a price, and the more she exceeded the expectations, the limit gets higher, the more expensive the price gets. And the girl was able to get away with her mounted debt just by having a tattle tail who eavesdropped on Rumplestiltskin singing. He ends up dead.

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the story of Rumplestiltskin was merely for entertainment. The closest thing of a moral that I could find in the story is how important your name is. Throughout the whole story, none of the characters were given a name, no names or even the subject of the matter was mentioned until the climax where Rumplestiltskin makes the final deal. The ultimate deal, that all the girl's debt will be settled for one condition, and by the time people are reading,(or listening, or watching), everyone's curious of what the creature wants and when it's finally revealed that he wants the girl to guess his name, everyone's puzzled.

I've never encountered a book, or a movie- story in general that prioritizes names so much(except for spirited away, but that's like a metaphor for identity, so that doesn't count), as Rumplestiltskin \. As much as it's a fairy tale, somehow it kind of felt as if there's a deep psychological meaning behind the story especially the character of Rumplestiltskin himself, and I like the fact that Once Upon a Time features a very developed character of Rumplestiltskin as the series progresses. At first, I thought he was just a single episode character that's not that important, turns out he's the most important character in the whole series I dare say.

He's always so creepy and powerful, like there's always something up his sleeve, but he's kind of mysterious and honestly, quite charismatic (when he's Mr. Gold that is, he looks crazy when he's Rumplestiltskin). He has this vast ego and confidence inside him, so when there was an episode that showed Rumplestiltskin pre-imp all human, losing his son, it was heart-breaking, I started looking at him in a new light, and then the Belle episode happened, and I'm heads over heals for this guy.

So turns out, Beauty and the Beast was altered entirely in this series that it almost looked impossible, but they pulled it off. And I think it's one of the most mind-boggling fairy tale mash ups ever. Seriously, Rumplestiltskin as the beast? That was pure awesome. The way he slowly fell in love with Belle and how he denied his feeling, and when he lost her and the queen told the tragedy that came after, he cried. Can you believe that? He cried! For losing Belle! You have to watch from the start, his heart is so hard and empty, you'll think he's not capable of any emotions whatsoever. Turns out he was willing to give his name to madame mayor in return for a simple chipped cup by Belle. If that's not true love I don't know what is. The only thing that bothered me is the fact Belle has an accent. Why does she have an accent? She's supposed to be a commoner in a remote village dreaming of travelling from the numerous books she's read. Her having a British accent defeats that purpose entirely. On the other hand, I really like Rumplestiltskin's accent. It fits his witty lines very well.

"I'm a difficult man to love"

On a side note, Akah wrote a fairy tale mash up script for a school play way back when we were in Form 5, we were on a ride back to Shah Alam from Bookxcess when the idea came about mashing up which fairy tale with which, and it was customized to fit our classmates so it was a very fun brainstorming session. We ended up not doing it, everyone was too busy and the time was too little and the play was too long, but the script is undeniably very funny and witty I just have to share it. It's called The Fellowship of the Pathetic Heros, written by Syafiqah Othman. Enjoy :)

104. Phyllodes tumor

2012-02-18T04:24:00.000-08:00

"O God,
if her time hasn't come yet,
give her the strength to go through with it.
If her time has come,
give us all the strength to deal with it"

P/s: She's fine.

103. Gorilla-gram, pour moi?

2012-02-14T11:06:00.000-08:00

Today was a very normal day, went to classes, did my homework, halfway through tutorials and studied a bit, went to my meetings, did my off-schedule non-study-related jobs, and I went back to my room. I was fiddling with my bread's expiry date thingy and I looked at the date, 14th February. I was like, wait- that's Valentine...wait- that's today! And nobody mentioned or said anything about valentines, and the day was over just like any other day. Nothing special, nothing unusual, the day just went away. Not that I'm complaining, or I was expecting anything extravagant of that matter, just pointing out that fact.

While we're on the topic, can I just say something that has so much irony? Well, my parents, my grandparents, my uncle,aunts, basically my whole family has this kind of illusion that I'm socially active with boys, they're like "Belajar dulu, cinta kemudian, jangan nak berboypren sana sini." and I'm like... What boyfriend? Is it normal? For everyone to assume their female teenage family member is in a relationship with practically anyone? It's ridiculous really, there was this one time my grandmother was talking about marriage and how I should wait for the right time, talk about young couples eloping, anak luar nikah and all those typical malay drama stuff, and she sounded really convinced that I had a boyfriend up my sleeve, and I was mentally visualizing a forever alone meme photoshopped on my face.

Sometimes my parents jump up the wagon as well. Whenever there's a subject of a guy that I know, they'll be like "Handsome ke?" ask me awkward questions like, if I like him or not, and it gets quite annoying sometimes, and offensive at some point, what do they see me as? A teenage girl with oveflowing hormones, pumped up emotions, and endless desires? A stupid irrational person that can be manipulated by feelings and attractions? Someone who is craving affection and attention from the opposite sex? I mean, I find those ridiculous. Really, if I were a meme, I'll be a forever alone. I don't have a boyfriend, I don't even have a sorta kinda almost boyfriend, I don't even have guy friends (with an exception for Nash, but he's miles away and we rarely communicate, so he doesn't count). What I do have are male acquaintance, male classmates, and male colleagues. I don't talk to them unless I need to, and they don't approach me unless they have to, so that's not platonic, I don't think that's even friends. I just know their names. I don't know them, and they don't know me, so that's it.

Sometimes I hear rumors that this guy likes me, that guy admires me, but I've never received a confession from any guy, so I feel so pathetic for even hoping to know someone is actually attracted to me. Ironically, the confessions I've received are from girls. Believe it or not, I've actually received quite a sum of chocolate bars and love letters from girls, but not even a chewing gum from any guy (Okay, Haziq ada belanja air kelapa minggu lepas, thank you Haziq, but he bought some for a few more people, so that wasn't personal and that didn't count). I'm almost convinced that I give a lesbo vibe, so guys won't come near me and only girls would be willing to be with me, but then again I don't think my parents would ever approve of 'domestic partnership', so it's either hetero marriage or die alone.

I don't talk much about love or boys with my friends, it's a subject that I find over rated and overly discussed that I don't see the point of it. I rarely watch love movies unless it's weird and creepy or quirky and witty. To me, love is an illusion, and marriage is an association. Marriage based on love means that it's based on feeling, that varies and changes so rapidly which makes it a bad choice in the first place. In my opinion, marriage should be based on survival rate. How compatible the husband and wife is, and how long they can stand each other. After 5 years of marriage, it no longer depends on the butterflies in their stomach, it depends on how hard the stomach growls, and how they manage to survive that without yelling at each other. The notion of two people living together is created by two people who survived the age 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.

True love doesn't exist, if it was, then it would be easy for everyone. But it's not. Some people know instantly who they want to love, and some people end up dying alone with their family and a few close friends at her funeral, and no kids to visit her grave, I kind of have a feeling I'm going to be one of those forever alone people (Nauzubillah), but really, it's hard not to think that I'll end up without a happy ending. Sometimes my friends argue and say "Lelaki yang baik adalah untuk perempuan yang baik!" Something like that, and I agree with that, and I think nobody should deserve the punishment of ending up living with me. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, maybe my husband would be a criminal, a conman, a widow with two kids. I don't know, whenever I think about this, these disturbing thoughts dominate my brain, mushy fairy tale Prince Charming happily ever after stuff is just not something that would pop in my mind. And currently I'm honestly pathetically very boyfriendless, so all those boy talk my family keeps giving me is just plain ridiculous.

Well enough of that, I want to talk about something Shah and I talked about. Shah is a busy person, as much as I feel I'm busy, she's way busier than me, so we talked one day about studies and priorities and she expressed how she wants to change her lifestyle to more studying, and well, I'm known as the girl who doesn't study as much as she needs to, so I disagreed with her, I said go with your feelings, if your heart's not into studying, then you shouldn't do it. Do something else until the feeling kicks in, and we were talking and discussing upon this matter til a point that even I was convinced I need to change my own life, and so I am.

I do my homework, I start tuto very early, I prepare for classes and actually study. I haven't omitted any of my leisure time, I just simply reduced it, and focused on what to do. I figures the reason I've always never had time to study was that I got carried away in leisure, and I felt that I had time but I didn't, so now that I allocate the time to study, it feels really....good. I feel so confident and capable. You know, like...Clark Kent. Yeah~ I feel like Clark Kent, saving the world and saving my grades!

Ironically, Shah is still her old self. lol

"Why are you so rajin nowadays? You're intimidating me!"

P/S: The only marriage I fantasize to have is a marriage like Morticia and Gomez Addams. Met at a funeral, got married the next day. Both equally creepy, equally happy. I know I'm intensely weird, I kind of just wonder if there's a guy equally weird as me, but in a total different way? One does not simply walk into Mordor. K bai.

102. atoto

2012-02-11T02:55:00.000-08:00

101. Oh Kelantan

2012-02-05T23:16:00.000-08:00

I love Kelantan, with all my heart. I can travel the world, live in many places, but nothing can compare to the serenity and homeliness of Kelantan. Just, breathing the air out of my grandparents' home, I can smell the familiarity that is the Kelantan I speak of.

I know I write in English, I speak proper KL Malay, but when it comes to my tongue, it needs that essence of Kelantan constantly, or else I think I'll get mad. Seriously, have you been to a place where you can't speak your own language? It's torture I tell you, of course I can communicate with people but I can't throw away my accent just like that. It's like holding back your urge to do something, if you hold it for so long, you might go insane. Once I talk with my own accent, I feel so free and liberal. So freaking Relief. I hide it very cunningly that people never guess that I'm Kelantanese. (I've had people guessing I'm from Sarawak, lol)

Went to Kelantan a couple weeks ago, abah gave me his EOS to snap some pictures for the day, and I almost forgot how I missed holding that camera until I actually touched it with my own hands. It was like bumping into an old friend I've known my whole life. The pictures came out fantastic. Here's my favorite from the bunch, Ummi in the kitchen.

100. Write to express, not to impress

2012-02-04T11:10:00.000-08:00

I think I've said this a million times already, but I really want to justify my intentions behind my blog. Plus, it's my 100th post, so the even-ness in that number prompts me to do this.

Before I had a blog, I had a diary. I remember my first time writing was when I couldn't sleep, I had all these thoughts in my mind that kept me awake for a very long time, and it wasn't til I jot everything down that I was able to sleep. You see, I'm a very repressive person, I don't like talking to people about certain matters. I don't like talking about my friends to my family, and I don't like talking about my family to my friends. It's like colliding two parallel universes, it just feels wrong and uncomfortable. But I had to express myself, so one of my medium was writing out my feelings and opinions.

But diaries wasn't that efficient in keeping my secrets, because I've caught my mom sneaking in my bedroom reading my diary when I'm asleep (but I wasn't sleeping), so I turned to the virtual world. If you have seen my first blog, you will know how unorganized it is. I spat out everything, which made my blog, a giant ball of mess- I talked about my sappy emotion, talked about my secrets, talked about boyz, talked about teachers, talked about school, talked about hatred- basically a very hormone-pumped teenager with raging emotions. As I wrote that, I didn't expect my parents to read it, but they did and also a few other people at school, in which caused me a lot of troubles, so I deleted that, and started anew.

I didn't know why I stopped blogging ajikto. I knew I wanted to, I just didn't know why. The more I think of it, the more I believe that my writing has matured from ajikto. It was fun, but I think I've grown up. Backtracking I realize how evolved my writing has been, and right now is the 'me' that I've always tried to express before.

To be honest, I the reason why I've been blogging..is because of me. Despite how selfish that sounds, I blog because I want to express myself, the way I can't express myself in real life. I've always had a knack in writing, and I'm better in words than I am in actions. I never bothered how many followers I have, how many page hits I get, how many money I could get by putting ads from nuffnang, how informative my blog should be, how pretty and cute it can be with widgets and stuff. Nothing of that matters to me, because the reason I blog is to express, not to impress.

and p/s: I think blogs with bunch of widgets and ads from nuffnang are so freaking annoying. All those pop ups and surveys are just getting on my nerves, I just cannot understand why people would put all that shit on their blog, I can't even read their posts, which ironically is the point of blogging ;/

099. Life Update

2012-01-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I noticed I haven't blogged about my life for a while. Vaguely this and that, but there's no record of my activities and affairs for quite some time, so here I am, to sum it all up.

So Sem 3 started, kicked off with a sizzle (let's just hope it ends with a bang). I'm currently in week 4, and I think so far, things are going pretty well. (Maybe that's because Quizes haven't started yet.) But it's my last semester, and as it has always been the rules of the universe, I learn from the less remarkable outcomes of the first 2 semesters, what not to do and what to do to avoid doing it. My results weren't that good. I'm honestly quite disappointed with myself. Sometimes people ask, what went wrong? And I really have no answer to that. I mean, I can create excuses, which apparently might be reasons, but I can't fully blame them. I'm actually to blame, for not being able to dodge those excuses, so in the end, the reason for it to happen, was just because.

I'm not saying I'm letting it slide. I'm not going to stop with just barely getting by. I want to achieve something, and right now I feel like on the brink of failing life, I suck at a lot of things, the least that I want is to accomplish something, and I've always thought I'm good in learning and remembering, so if I can't even do that right, then there will be nothing except pathetic-ness generating in my system.

Ummi & Abah didn't actually say I was bad, but they didn't compliment me in anything in particular either- not that I expected them to, my accomplishment is nearly to nothing, so it's quite fair for them to mock me if they may, but they didn't. They just voiced out their curiosity of my not-so-god performance. In the words of Ummi,

"Your CGPA isn't low, it's just lower than we expected from you, because we know that you could do better."

So enough of that, moving on to current non-study-related affairs. In conjunction with IT net, (which is actually just Rafest) Intech_ss held a photoshoot booth, and I had the opportunity to be one of the photographers contributing to this effort. It was loads of fun, really. More fun than I expected it to be, taking pictures of happy people who happen to be with the people that make them happy, and are...well.. generally happy, is a very fun job to do. You know, like they want to freeze a moment that they want to keep in their pockets or stick on their locker, and they try really hard to make that moment perfect, and through the magical lens of a camera, I was able to see the spark in their eyes while they're giggling and making jokes,awkward stances, sincere laughs, I could see...genuine happiness, and it felt so magical. Not to mention, everyone's having a good time, enjoying themselves, the 6 of us having something common to do aside from studying, and I really liked it.

Starting book-reading this year on a high note, Shah bought this really cool book, it's called 'Are you smart enough to work at google?' and it's really a good read, especially if you're trying to find something challenging your perspective of logic and creativity, I already finished it, and it really opens your mind at how narrow our scope in both that sectors can be. How diverse the explanation and algorithm of each puzzles, it's really mind boggling, everybody should read it. I bought 'We need to talk about Kelvin' which is also a very logical yet very well-explained book about Physics, specifically the universe(although that doesn't specify anything), I'm halfway through and I gotta say, Science can be really easy to understand without the approach of formal government text books. Rewarded myself with one of Ned Vizzini's 'Teen Angst...nah', if you didn't notice, Ned Vizzini is the same author who wrote 'It's kind of a funny thing' which was totally awesome, and I didn't even hesitate to buy the book, I just did. I knew I'd finish it right away, so I gave Azwa to read it first since she was interested in the book (and I have to get my head in other stuff). Last but not least, I spotted Submarine in Borders last week, just haven't went to buy it yet. Hopefully this week...or maybe the next, but I would definitely buy Submarine (given that there's still stock left)

The movies I've started watching this year is an entirely epic list I don't think I'll stop if I talk about all of them, but the most significant of them all would definitely be The History Boys. I'm quite surprised how I've never heard of this movie before when it's a giant mass of awesome and wit. Not to mention it's a british movie with the perfect british accent (including scottish and Irish). I think one of the things that makes History boys stand out from other high school oriented movies is how diverse the students in the class were, and how each had their own significant character, like all multicultures in Britain, there's always the negro, the red head Scottish, the cool Irish, the popular espania haired dude, the geeky chatterbox, the fat guy, the indian muslim and of course, the dull one. But given it's the class for the smartypants, the dull one isn't even that dull, he's just the dullest of the lot.

I like the two contradicting teachers with their different methods of teaching, it's like Dead Poets Society finally met Jeff Winger- less Carpe Diem, more altering the truth, the whole teaching process is marvelously done. The literature in it was well played, recited and included. The dialogue, oh the dialogue, the witty dialogues that I might not ever get tired of listening to:Their reasonings, their debate, their opinions, their effort in altering the perception towards history itself- everything was pure genius. The ending was a bit uncalled for though I thought it would end at the end of the day, but it had to end at the end of their lives. I thought it was a prediction of the future, but the more I see it, it's more likely to be the future reminiscing the past. A great watch, a seriously great watch, I've been bugging Shah for weeks to watch this movie (and she's been bugging me to watch Fight Club), but seriously, everyone should be exposed to that much of awesomeness.

“The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling,a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you. Now you have it, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone who is longdead. And it is as if a hand has come out and taken yours.”

Una's at Mesir right now, probably eating some kebab Qeelah kept talking about, or wearing one of those carpets Qeelah always bragged about, either way she's there, with her, breathing the same air most probably, and that meant, I had access to Fatihah. If you haven't noticed, I've mentioned her quite a number of time in my blogs, (sometimes with the nickname Freya, she goes by both.) and well, she's a really dear friend of mine. Sometimes we talk for hours(okay, probably an exaggeration) but I have grown an immense fondness towards her, not in 'that' way though, I can never take her away from Ain Archie, insted, in that non-serious-lesbo kind of way. And I knew Psychic Evacuation would fascinate her, so I gave her my Flip book, which is kind of worn out tbh, but it's the story that counts. Have been trying to skype with my two sisters for a while now, but none of them ever have the decency to sign in skype, so what to do with the girl stuck in Malaysia, between quizes on tomorrow, and tutorials due 5 minutes ago (yikes). And btw, Fatihah sent me a thank you message, and she addressed my sister with a nickname I am so grossed out by, I would not stain my blog with it. I don't know why my sister uses that nickname, but apparently everyone calls her that, and everytime I hear anyone calling her out using that name I try really, rea~ly hard not to puke. It's just so embarrassing, and I refuse to act as if I'm okay with it, because I'm not. it bugs me tremendously. Just saying.

Last but not least, the DSLR Worshop is on, and insyaAllah it will run smoothly on March.

098. Fun Science is the science of fun, yeah!

2012-01-30T03:29:00.000-08:00

Can I marry him? Can I just... *sigh

097. Obama, we can't!

2012-01-20T10:48:00.000-08:00

SOPA is trending worldwide, and I can totally understand that. I mean the fact that SOPA even exists...

I mean, I get all the piracy, copyright blocking thing, Megaupload's death was rational- devastating- but rational, I just don't get why Wiki had a blackout & tumblr is a possible target. All they did was help mankind, they don't deserve this politic mess.

On a side note, someone was kind enough to share the IP addresses.

SOPA Emergency IP list:

So if these asses in DC decide to
ruin the internet, here’s how to access your favorite sites
in the event of a DNS takedown

tumblr.com 174.121.194.34
wikipedia.org 208.80.152.201

# News
bbc.co.uk 212.58.241.131
aljazeera.com 198.78.201.252

# Social media
reddit.com 72.247.244.88
imgur.com 173.231.140.219
google.com 74.125.157.99
youtube.com 74.125.65.91
yahoo.com 98.137.149.56
hotmail.com 65.55.72.135
bing.com 65.55.175.254
digg.com 64.191.203.30
theonion.com 97.107.137.164
hush.com 65.39.178.43
gamespot.com 216.239.113.172
ign.com 69.10.25.46
cracked.com 98.124.248.77
sidereel.com 144.198.29.112
github.com 207.97.227.239

# Torrent sites
thepiratebay.org 194.71.107.15
mininova.com 80.94.76.5
btjunkie.com 93.158.65.211
demonoid.com 62.149.24.66
demonoid.me 62.149.24.67

# Social networking
facebook.com 69.171.224.11
twitter.com 199.59.149.230
tumblr.com 174.121.194.34
livejournal.com 209.200.154.225
dreamwidth.org 69.174.244.50

# Live Streaming Content
stickam.com 67.201.54.151
blogtv.com 84.22.170.149
justin.tv 199.9.249.21
chatroulette.com 184.173.141.231
omegle.com 97.107.132.144
own3d.tv 208.94.146.80
megavideo.com 174.140.154.32

# Television
gorillavid.com 178.17.165.74
videoweed.com 91.220.176.248
novamov.com 91.220.176.248
tvlinks.com 208.223.219.206
1channel.com 208.87.33.151

# Shopping
amazon.com 72.21.211.176
newegg.com 216.52.208.187
frys.com 209.31.22.39

# File Sharing
mediafire.com 205.196.120.13
megaupload.com 174.140.154.20
fileshare.com 208.87.33.151
multiupload.com 95.211.149.7
uploading.com 195.191.207.40
warez-bb.org 31.7.57.13
hotfile.com 199.7.177.218
gamespy.com 69.10.25.46
what.cd 67.21.232.223
warez.ag 178.162.238.136
putlocker.com 89.238.130.247
uploaded.to 95.211.143.200
dropbox.com 199.47.217.179
pastebin.com 69.65.13.216

Here’s a tip for the do-it-yourself crowd:
Go to your computer’s Start menu, and either go to
“run” or just search for “cmd.”
Open it up, and type in “ping [website address],”

Once you have the IP for a website, all you really
need to do is enter it like you would
a normal URL nd hit enter/press go. Typing in
“208.85.240.231”
should bring you to the front page of AO3,
for example, just as typing “174.121.194.34/dashboard”
should bring you straight to your Tumblr dashboard.
Since we’re obviously bracing for the worst case scenario
which would involve you not being
able to access the internet regularly, you should,
save this list.

096. When life gives you lemon, say "F lemons!" and bail.

2012-01-15T07:17:00.000-08:00

Dreading for this to be over. Haven't slept much, haven't eaten much, can't concentrate much, I've been cranky, I've been yelling and I puked out of stress last night.

I hate your guts, lemon! Begone and be dead!

095. Azwa, in your face ;D

2012-01-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

Sem ni, katil bawah aku punya!

You have no idea, how badly I want the bottom bunk. It's just- I just-- I need it, 'nuff said.

--
I was unproductive this break, pretty much as unproductive I usually am during breaks like this. The only difference is that I spent most of the time downloading and watching 1980's movies. I've always liked movies from the 80's, something about their vintage fashion, awkwards stances and vague script makes them so original that there is an obvious evolution in pop culture. However, I never actually delved into the brat pack bunch, but they were all over tumblr so I was curious. Started off with The Breakfast Club, then Weird Science, Pretty in Pink, St. Elmo's Fire, The Pick Up Artist and a few more others, I gotta say I am impressed. No wonder people looked up to John Hughes so much. These movies are legendary.

094. Okay, so hari ni beday Nash

2012-01-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

I don't talk about Nash that much, partially because he's not exactly in my life, technically speaking, and mainly, because I know people would misunderstand. They'll think he's my boyfriend, which is definitely not the case. We're platonic friends- close- but platonic. I met him at a very strange time in my life, and we've been bestfriends ever since.

"Manusia berubah" he always assured me. "Buat baik banyak mana sekalipun, orang tak pernah ingat. Buat jahat sekali je, orang ingat sampai bila-bila. Tapi, hanya disebabkan orang ingat kita jahat, tak bermaksud kita jahat selama-lamanya. Ada ruang untuk kita berubah"

He helped me a lot, indirectly. He wasn't some honour student trying to give advice to someone having some problems. In fact, he did stupider things than I did, but he actually made more sense than anyone trying to sound pretentious. Eventually, both of us transferred schools. I stopped causing trouble, and he started anew. We're practically different people compared to the people we were when we first knew each other. We changed for the better, and through that whole change, we stood by each other.

To Nash, for all the memories that are made, and to the memories that are in the making. May your life be blessed. Happy birthday :)

093. Woke up to a joke.

2012-01-02T03:00:00.000-08:00

Ahmad: I'm tired of my bed sheets. Can't I have a different one?
Una: But Ahmad, that's the only manly bed sheets we have... the others are rainbows and unicorns.

092. asdfghjkl means something

2011-12-31T05:36:00.000-08:00

Tumblr has opened a whole new micro blogging experience for me, and it's fantastic. It's simple, it's direct, it's easy, and there's just pretty much anything you can ask for. It's like a filtered google. Everything you search for is relevant to what you want, at least it's relevant to what I want. Certain scenes, certain quotes, certain photos. And my dashboard is filled with pleasant surprises everytime I open it.

I usually reblog things I know. If you link me to a tumblr post I made, there's a high possibility that I can tell you where it's from and why I reblogged it. Sometime I don't know where it's from, but it's somehow inspiring even when it stands alone. And the rest are usually stock photographs that I happen to really like. Art is always a creative way of expressing anything, and with tumblr, I think I've expressed myself pretty clearly. Whether I'm inspired, or feeling anything in particular, reblogging something relevant is just...relevant.

Up there is an archive of everything I've reblogged the past year in miloccino, my tumblog where I reblog stuff,and below is from drenchedsoul, my tumblog where I post my own work.

091. Since when did my social life depend on my social network account?

2011-12-30T11:12:00.000-08:00

The title says it all. Seriously, since when did the world start concluding virtual social networking as actual social networking? It's ridiculous, it's unhealthy and it's starting to get pretty annoying.

Facebook is over rated. Since when did having a social network account considered equal as having an identification number? It's like enabling access to an international database of personal affairs of people who actually happen to exist. It creates an identity, by default, our own identity, which in a positive way actually contributes to our social network. We can find long lost friends, we can communicate with our friends, and other stuff people do on facebook, that's why EVERYONE has it, from your grandfather to your 6 month old niece, every single human being who is within a range of 100 metre radius with a computer has a facebook account.

I have no problem with that, really, I've got better stuff to do than mock around other people's virtual business. If they want to make a big deal out of it, then let them be, I genuinely don't care, but when people start to make a big deal out of MY virtual business, I can't accept such meddling.

I don't take Facebook seriously, I just don't. Sometimes I don't open it at all. I can go weeks without checking my notifications, longest record 6 months. It's just not something significant in my life. Tumblr is more exhilarating, blogging is more fun, and backtracking indie movies can be way more worthwhile than updating my status every now and then. I mean, I do use Facebook occasionally, I'm just not addicted to it. It's not a big part of my life. In fact, I consider it to be just a small activity that I do once in a while, plus I've deactivated it a couple of times. The only reason why I still have that account is because of my newsfeed.

I don't have much friends on facebook, because I filter everyone. 150 is a fair amount, it's actually the same amount of people I've rejected their friends request. I don't see it as an evil attempt of being 'in your face' or any form of mockery. The thing is, people on facebook has this little rule book that I seem to have not known.

1. Friending on facebook, means you're friendly and not arrogant
2. Accepting someone's friend request means you have no problems with him/her
3. Rejecting someone's friend request means you hate him/her
4. Unfriending someone after accepting his/her friend request is pure evil.

I don't know how people come up with all this, why does it has to be so hard? If I don't want to be friends with you on facebook, it means that I don't want to be friends with you on facebook, why must you complicate such a simple phrase?It doesn't necessarily mean I don't want to be friends with you in real life, why are people making such a big fuss?

My newsfeed consists of Akah's witty statements, Fatihah's deep quotes, some sassy comments, some dirty jokes, some religious article links, some song lyrics, and occasional up to date affairs in life. So when this one dude, kept tweeting a lot of cheezy one liners that showed up on my newsfeed, it was just...annoying. I mean it's his rights to post whatever he wants, I just don't want it in my newsfeed, plus we barely even talk, real life or in facebook, so I thought if I unfriended him, he wouldn't notice, because that's always the case. When I unfriend people, they don't notice, because we don't even talk, which was the whole point of unfriending him/her in the first place.

So this dude, with the cheezy one liners is my classmate, and I didn't thought he'd be that cheezy and update his status that frequent, so the decision in unfriending him is rational to me, because everytime his jiwang status pops up, I unintentionally curse at the screen, I can't stand such cheeziness. I mean it's not even poetic, it's just ... pure cheezy, and it's not his fault, it's my problem for not being able to deal with that much jiwang, and I have no rights to tell him to stop doing the stuff he enjoys doing, so I resorted to unfriending. Plus it's not like I said "I HATE YOU" in his face, I just simply unfriended him quietly, but he quickly noticed and he's offended with it.

To be honest, I don't think I did anything wrong. It's my facebook account, I can friend whoever I want, and I disagree strongly the fact that people put moral judgement on the things associated to my virtual social network, as if it's some accurate metaphor on my actual social life. But since the guy was offended, I apologized, because I don't want to end up in anyone's bad book. I don't want anyone to hold a grudge against me, I want to live a calm and quiet life, but I can't do so when someone is offended by my actions. So, yeah, I apologised, and he said he accepted the apology, but all of a sudden he brings this thing up again and it kind of pisses me off because I thought we were already done with it.

To answer everyone's question. Yes. I do have the option of unsubscribing you, I just don't see the difference. It was like picking 2+2 or 3+1, either way the sum's going to be four. But if this whole unfriending business bothers you THAT much, then I'll just unsubscribe you, as long as you shut up about it once and for all.

I am seriously dumbfounded as to why this is such a big deal.

090. Bipolar room mates

2011-12-27T12:36:00.000-08:00

One thing about Sem II is that Azwa didn't take it, so there was room for another person to fill in. And I remembered Ain mentioning that none of her room mates were taking short sem so I insisted her in rooming in with us, and that was how everything happened.

I think a lot of people would be surprised at how different we are, I mean we look the same, our sizes are quite similar, but we're so different I can't even express it in words. We're like two polar personalities that always opposes each other's direction. I'm not saying we always fight, no, that rarely happens. I'm saying that we always differ in opinion.

She's the type of person who prioritize studying way more than I see the value of it. And I'm the type of person who always...do other stuff, so if you start there, our opinions never intersect with each other. I'm like the asymptote to her hyperbole: we can only get close, but never be together.

I'm making this post because I think I need to give Ain credit for enduring my weirdness this whole period of us living together. I don't bother Raihana that much, and Sharifah has nevr officially lived with us, so in the end Ain was the most affected with my weird shenanigans and with all that opposing opinions, I find it almost a miracle that she's still my friend.

To Ain, for being an awesome room mate, a friend when you need one, and just simply being there- cause your presence is that significant.

086. Choco La~tte

2011-12-27T09:47:00.000-08:00

Semester II is over. Already. Ain's packing her luggage as I'm typing this...I think I'll pack mine tomorrow ;)

I don't know what to feel, what to say, what to do. As a temporal dimension, 7 weeks kind of felt a bit short, but as a spatial dimension, so many things happened within that short period of time, and I don't think I want to write every single detail, but to summarize everything as a whole.... wait, I can't think of anything. Nothing can summarize everything as a whole, it's too much of a meaning to be conveyed through a single word.

Everything happens for a reason, there'll be unfortunate events, things that make you feel a whole dump of emotions, and then there'll be stuff happening that gives you joy and happiness for a while, and then the problems arise, and when that's solved, there's a sense of a relief, and the cycle continues. There's no questioning in that outcome, that's exactly the chronology of life. The real question is, Was it worth it?

Was it worth it?

Was everything worth it?

“In order to survive, we cling to all we know and understand. And we label it reality. But knowledge and understanding are ambiguous. That reality could be an illusion. All humans live with the wrong assumptions. Isn’t that another way of looking at it?”

087. Meep meep

2011-12-25T02:32:00.000-08:00

Pardon my previous post about having the worst birthday, I was being dramatic. It's not actually THAT bad, just that when the first person to wish you 'Happy Birthday' is some stalker who just won't stop creeping you out, that's quite...depressing. Like, seriously, I felt pathetic just waiting for the first hour after midnight to see if anyone remembered my birthday without having Facebook notifying them. Well I didn't expect a lot, I just didn't expect...none.

So when Qeelah called, there was that mixture of "Yeay someone remembered" and "Oh, it's my sister". Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate her or anything, I kind of hoped someone who is not blood related to me, plus she's my sister, she HAS to remember my birthday (but given that I forgot hers first, it's actually quite nice of her to call from Egypt. Hear that Qeelah? Terharu neh!)

Aisyah sent a message around 12.30 and I was like, "Finally, someone." and Fatin's message came slightly afterwards. I didn't expect anyone from UIA to remember, I mean we're not that close to the extent of remembering each other's birthdays, so to have Aisyah and Fatin remembering, was a pleasant surprise, thank you :)

I went to bed afterwards, waiting much longer would make me even depressed, I guess Tqa is out of credit, Akah and Nash simply forgot. ;/ One of the reasons why I always remember their birthdays is because they're fairly near to mine. Tqa's 11 days before, and Nash is 12 days after, while Akah is 5/5. It's simple Math.

Around 3.30 AM I got a phone call from Nash, he was laughing. I don't even remember if it was a real or a dream, but I remembe him saying "Wei Nael, sorry, aku tertido!" Haha, and I wasn't conscious enough to even make an effort for a conversation, so I was just mumbling nonsense, and the phone call ended with him wishing me Happy Birthday. Lol, Thanks dude.

Shu and Akah gave their messages later that evening. Shu with her Egypt timeline and Akah...well Akah probably just woke up. We had an agreement 2 months ago for a date. The thing is, something unfortunate happened to Akah during that time, and we didn't exactly talk because she was crying, and it wasn't appropriate for me at that time to tell her I was leaving for UIA right after. She contacted me about a week or 2 weeks after and we agreed for a date on Christmas. So it happened.

Let me tell you this, Akah isn't the huggy type of person. I remember the last day of school, and I wanted to hug her but she ran away, then I was kind of offended for a minute or two. And when it was time for goodbyes, I was already over the whole 'hug' thing, she finally hugged me. It was one of those rare moments when Akah lets go of her very stern pride, because it's hard for her to be touchy and stuff. So, when she greeted me with a tight hug wishing me 'Happy Birthday', I was shocked and amazed at the same time. Wow Akah, what did they do to you at Puncak Alam? How did they soften you? Is this even possible? Akah's hugging me in public? It's a birthday miracle.

We talked mostly, and then Farhana came along, and we talked some more. Akah handed me my present and...it was a coat. A very nice looking vintage coat with a nice cutting, but one thing was a bit off: the size is a bit small. I tried it on and I was like "Akah, it won't fit!" lol. It's not exactly small, it's just a bit tighter than my usual size that I'm comfortable with. I think I'll wear it, the design's so nice, I just need to figure out when and where will I be wearing it.

Akah drove me to KTM. Yup, you read right, Akah drove me there. His dad was a bit hesitant, heck, even I was hesitant, she kept saying "You guys need to trust me", I don't know Akah....there's nothing but doubt in my heart.

Her dad guided her throughout the process of getting out of the parking lot, and on the road, and I just have to put this here, it's so deep.

"Akah, remember I told you about the four ends of the car? You have to know them by heart. Even when your eyes can't see them, your heart should."

Wow, I never thought driving could be this poetic. When we were there he continued.

"Your drivings already good, you just need to master the art of driving"

Again, I admire how he describes driving as a form of art, that was deep Mr. Othman, very deep.

This is actually the first time I went back to UIA using public transport, usually Abah sends me off, or Sue dah, or Ayah Fadhil, or Cikrah, I've had numerous hitchhiking experience with various people, yet ironically this is the first time I'm using public transport. I usually go home with public transport, not from home back to UIA, so I took this opportunity and made a pitstop at Amcorp Mall.

Well, I haven't been to Bookxcess for a year ever since school ended and Akah's holiday doesn't collide with mine, and yeah, I went to Big Bad Wolf sale but being within Bookxcess grounds is just something else. I treated myself with a Horrible Science Bulging Brain book for light reading and Julie & Julia because the movie is awesome. It was kind of my birthday present for myself ;)

Bought Subway and headed off to UIA. I think I'm gonna sleep for a while before starting on Maths. Such a tiring day, but worth it.

086. Worst birthday ever

2011-12-23T08:56:00.000-08:00

Seriously.

But the best gift, so I can't exactly complain. Thanks Ummi & Abah :)

085. 211211

2011-12-21T01:05:00.001-08:00

Muff's logic article in I.M this month is so remarkable I just have to share the intro here,

2011 was like a bad girlfriend for me. One that didn’t put out much or wouldn’t swallow, but still had me run around doing errands and forced me to get in touch with my inner feelings. Like a lesbianic transvestite, it propelled me to continuously roger myself for 12 months on end

Lol, well I guess it's kind of true, metaphorically speaking. And I'm not quite sure what 2011 has done to me, physically, spiritually, morally, emotionally and every single aspect defining human, but like every other year, it's always a bumpy ride.

I don't think I have a resolution for 2012, or an awesome check list of things to do before I die, I think I'll just live calmly as possible and accept the unexpected plot twist that has never failed upon me, and just see how life goes.

084. Freeze suckers

2011-12-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

Here's everything in a nutshell: Someone borrowed my camera and lost its memory card.

I really don't mind anyone borrowing my camera, but I would really appreciate if it's being taken really good care of, in fact I EXPECT people who borrow my camera to understand how much I cherish and value my baby, it's no joke, really I'll slap you in the face if anything happened to it. My camera stands beyond the boundaries of my perseverance, and the pictures I take are equally as important.

I didn't have any storage to keep my shots, I didn't have a laptop yet and my hard disk is not working so I just told her not to delete them, I really didn't expect such lack of responsibility coming from a senior. So I was really upset during classes just now, when I got the message and Aisyah wasn't comforting at all, she said I was over reacting about the whole thing and the pictures are just pictures.

I beg to differ, of course pictures are pictures, but pictures capturing a certain moment, a second of my past that is very significant that I want it to freeze and stare at it for a while. The pictures that were lost were the ones I took when I went outing with Ain & Shah going to Midvalley. There were these two particular shots I took that I really like, the first was a picture both Ain and Shah were smiling, but not to each other, like their mind drifted off at two different directions, and it was after Zuhur so the Sun was shining brightly on their faces, we were in front of IIUM's gate, wiating for the bus and every single detail about that photo defines perfection, and another was this one shot I took when we were heading home, on the bus, I took Ain's picture gazing outside, the sunlight reflecting on her face and the shadows formed at the side of it gave a somewhat melancholic feel, really, those were very nice shots that are rare for me. To capture a human's sincere face expression with a decent amount of natural sunlight is not an easy task, but really satsfying. I really want those photo for my own self-keeping and the fact that it's not happening is just...

But I guess even that senior didn't want things to come out this way, and it's just partially her fault this thing happened, and she paid for another memory card and I'm pretty sure she won't be borrowing my camera after this. I'm just glad my camera's fine, I'll be honest I really missed it. I haven't taken a picture for 3 weeks because it was in someone else's possession. I kind of need to adjust with reality that those photos are gone.

Maybe Aisyah's right. In the end, those pictures are just pictures (but I still won't admit that)

083. Won't you take me to?

2011-12-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

Current wallpaper; 111220

082. Nice day, I say.

2011-12-17T09:53:00.000-08:00

Reasons for being happy today.

Went to Lowyat with Ummi & Maryam.
Got this (silver | i-7 |8GB RAM)
Maryam belanja Subway
Downloaded a French movie
Tutorial Math dah siap

relevant Crows Zero gif is relevant

081. What is this? Smells like piss.

2011-12-16T12:50:00.001-08:00

Usually, when a crime happens, or a misunderstanding, or a mistake, or whatever the unpleasant situation is, it's usually being told from a third person perspective, and when this happens, it will always be judged by rationality alone, all emotions step aside, which not only makes the other party look bad, people also would never understand the whole situation.

Let's say, a serial killer kills random people off the street, and from a rational third person perspective it's bad right? The killer's evil, he killed innocent people who never did wrong to him whatsoever. He had no rights to kill those people and his desires in murdering people are harmful for the society. But then again, what triggered those desires? What initiated the devil inside him to kill people? Of course the victims did nothing wrong to them, but what's the killer's side of the story? There must have been a reason to shove away morality and courtesy down the toilet, and do something very outrageous and uncivilized. In my opinion, for him to do something that far, someone must have hurt him that bad.

I mean sometimes, the things we do- the outrageous things, things that crosses the line, we do it not to prove ourselves irrational and stupid, we do it to show how deeply affected we are with the things people did to us, but people always misunderstood. For me, there was this one person who once in a while pisses me off so much, but every time she did it, she never understood how hurt and mad I was, which makes me even more mad. There was this one time, I told her to shut up because I couldn't take it anymore, my patience was really at its limit, but she couldn't even understand that simple sentence, she continued talking and then I started screaming and cursing and she looked at me like "What's wrong with you?" and at that moment I realized how she will never ever ever understand how scarred I am with everything she has done, and it'll probably take years of mental therapy to get the image of me stabbing her out of my head. (No, 'she's not my mom, and no I did not stab anyone....yet)

When people get mad, a bit of an over reaction towards the small mistakes I've done, I usually just let it slide. I mean I understand, when people get mad at somebody but can't exactly lash it out towards them, they lash it out to others, and in this situation I'm the victim. Probably a bad day, a continuous misfortune or some random dude was being rude or whatever, bottom line people form negative emotion inside them and sometimes they let it out to unexpected people, but I'm okay being the victim- it's not enjoyable- but at least I'm mentally prepared for anything hurtful coming my way.

I had this thought when I was watching Sweeney Todd, I really enjoyed Johny Depp's acting in this, I usually don't but he played the sorrowful Sweeney Todd really well I would've believed if he just came out of a psychiatric ward, he seriously looked mentally damaged- emotionally damaged would be more precise. And the fact that it's a Tim Burton film doesn't make it anymore sane; the whole set, the lighting throughout the movie, the music, the lyrics, the filthiness, the blood, the detailed murder scenes, everything was certainly a guilty pleasure.

Sweeney Todd had a really happy family, a beautiful wife and cute little daughter and suddenly everything was taken away from him. You could really feel the sorrow he's portraying. The longing looks in his eyes, the dreadful remorse in his voice singing about the past, it was very clear that he loved his family very much and when that was taken away from him, he was no longer human. Killing customers and using their flesh to make pie. Sounds cruel, indeed, but what happened to Sweeney Todd that made him demon barber of Fleet Street was also very cruel.

There's always two sides of a story, and I'm not trying to glorify criminals or anything, but it would be nice for people to try and understand these accused psychopaths by being in their shoes.

(Sorry, too much psychopath/murder movies & fiction in a week. I need to sleep.)

080. K-indie 밀로치노 Mixtape #1

2011-12-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

I've always thought mixtapes were cool, sincere and people put a lot of effort in it. So I thought it would be fun to make one for Tiqa's birthday this year. Tiqa's birthday is about 11 days before mine, so I'm the one supposed to give her presents first, but she always beat me to it, so this year I'm determined to be the first to wish and give presents. Tiqa, this is for you. A mix of most of my favorite K-indie tracks.

01 Vanilla Lucy - Intro (비 갠 뒤 오후)
02 10cm - 죽겠네
03 Mad Soul Child - Beautiful Days
04 Neon Bunnies - Can't Stop Thinking About You
05 Humming Urban Stereo - 넌 그날 (You, that day) ft. 유인나
06 Standing Egg - La La La
07 Hot Potato - 고백 (Confession)
08 Clover - 어느 파도 (Some Waves)
09 어반 자카파 (Urban Zakapa) - 커피를 마시고 (Caffe Latte)
10 Brother Su - It was you
11 10cm - 오늘밤은 어둠이 무서워요 (Tonight, I’m Afraid of the Dark)
12 Epik High - Oceans. Sands. Trees

Download mixtape // Seperate songs

It wasn't hard to pick the songs, but it was really hard to pick the instrumentals. I wanted a really nice soothing intro for a nice first impression and a really relaxing outro for a mark of satisfaction, and I couldn't make my mind between Epik High's, Studio Ghibli's or Fantastic Plastic Machines. ;(

079. Bribery, works like a charm

2011-12-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

078. I saw a future with him, like, with jetpacks.

2011-12-09T13:44:00.000-08:00

Changing my blogskin template to classic, is like having a haircut: it means starting anew. Back when I used ajikto, I changed my blogskin like 3 or 4 times a month, and it got kinda addicting, but when Jiwa Mendung started, I didn't change it at all. Sticking to something for 6 months is really impressive coming from me, so I thought about it, and I just want a change.

I mean, the skin before this was more of a 'bird-themed' cause when I made it, Zico's mixtape was in my head.

"I'm still fly, up sky high
and I dare anybody to try and cut my wings"

I was in that soar to the top kinda fired-up spirit., but now I just feel..dull. Like, seriously, I feel tired just looking at colours, I feel comfortable with plain light ones, so excuse the emptiness that is the simplicity of my blog. Another thing why I wanted to change my blog, is because, I take blogging quite seriously, and my blog reflects who I am (partially), and, well, I haven't felt like myself lately. I don't laugh much, or joke around like I used to anymore, Nowadays I feel tired, and dull, and effortless, it's like something just sucked my soul out....dementors. I knew it, there are dementors here =,=

It's nothing big really, it's just me and my weird shenanigans. Excuse us.

077. Esok exam

2011-12-01T03:46:00.001-08:00

---
Went to Lim Jooi Soon's talk yesterday. He's a muallaf, ex-Buddhist, ex-Christian and the title of his talk was "Andai Kau Tahu Betapa Indahnya Islam", I haven't heard a ceramah for quite some time, with Usrah in a hiatus, I kind of needed this spiritual input, and it was really fun, I kept recalling Muallaf (which is a great movie, go see it.) Every time he mentioned verses from the Quran or the bible, he said it in numbers, and Sharifah Alesya was always screaming numbers in the movie, so it was a comforting deja vu.

Throughout the talk, he gave out a lot of hard-thinking questions like the paradox 'If God could do everything, can he create another God?' and everyone was dumbfounded. I think it was his intention to make us realize that we're inheriting the religion, and think are we actually embracing it?The whole talk made me think a lot, and made me think to actually do something. #1 Don't take Islamic subjects for granted. And tomorrow's exam for Understanding Islam. Better start there.

Embrace the religion, don't merely inherit it.

076. Decent sleep? Pfft. As if.

2011-11-29T04:06:00.000-08:00

So Ummi & Abah came home yesterday. Ffffffinaly. It was a rough moment, I must admit, I never thought it would be this hard, but I somewhat survived roleplaying a single mother taking care of her 3 children (although I won't exactly count Una in the trio, but I did make an effort for her, so that counts) and I wouldn't have succeeded without the wonderful people around me.

Looking back, it wasn't exactly that tough of a job, I mean it's not like I cooked for them, or took care of their laundry, or did any housework, but just handling them in person is really something out of this world. I mean, I've grown a lot of respect to single women and parents in general for doing such a tough job, seriously it's hard work and a LOT of patience & perseverance. It's really hard to describe how much effort is needed for this job to work, I guess you just have to try it for yourself, and be mentally, emotionally and physically prepared for anything, seriously.

A token, for everyone who helped: Suedah for driving & giving advices, Cikrah & the family for letting me stay at her house and hitchhike to Kelantan, Ayah Fadhil for letting me hitchhike back to Petaling Jaya, bibik for all the housework done, Ain for letting me stay at her house in Terengganu for Una's Huffaz ceremony, Maryam for being such a dear during this whole period, and Ahmad for his effort of being bearable.

Thanks. A lot.

--
On a side note, Aisyah Nazaruddin sent a message when I was still in KLIA, asking everyone to check out the gym, and I was like

I didn't go, was busy sleeping =,= felt so tired these last couple of days, and with Ummi & Abah here safe and sound, I felt relaxed, so I kinda went over broad with my sleep, but I think things will get normal eventually.

Eventually.

075. 1433

2011-11-24T01:06:00.001-08:00

Introduction: Today, I feel a bit weird and unorthodox, therefore I feel like rebelling the left align rule, and write this whole post right aligned ;| you may now proceed to the blog post.

I came home,with an unpleasant surprise, Unifi broke down. The whole set was dysfunctional: telephone, internet and possibly television(not that we watch it anyway, but it still counts) and so we thought, okay, there's still astro. Guess what? Even THAT's not working...for the SECOND time. Okay, for the first time, it didn't work at all, all the channels were inaccessible, this time around, the channels are selected. Only about 5/6 channels can be accessed and I smell a bit of discrimination towards boredom here. They purposely made the fun channels unavailable. I couldn't even watch Chowder (that's cruel, you know it) and as much as could sense an alternative of fun and that is to go hang out with anyone, but the visualization is cut off by reason #1 I'm literally broke, and #2 I don't have my camera with me. A senior wanted to borrow it for the weekend, so I kind of have nothing except my tab, in which I have survived with during the whole semester up til now, I'm kind of...dumbfounded by the lack of effort my home is to entertaining me. ;( I felt fine yesterday. Like, I tell myself, you know what, you haven't been online for that long, just bare with it for a couple more days. Then the next day, I fall into a slump, I was literally lying with my face kissing the floor, next to my sister who resorted to opening her ancient golden bag of shameless mangga....and I shamelessly picked one of them to read. I looked pathetic, and in need for help *sigh~~

Luckily, Cikrah came, and I was like "Hmmmm, rumah Cikroh ado unifi. Yam, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" hehe, and Ayah Cik n the whole family came to Shah Alam for some Perhimpunan rakyat Kelantan in Bukit Jalil, so it kind of almost felt a bit like a small raya, as if we're celebrating the special occasion of Awal Muharram, in which we technically did.

Sue dah: Wei anok, harini Awal muharram tahu dok? Baco doh doa akhir tahun awal tahun? Ifah hafal dok/.

Me: ........ Pakcik Google~~

Me and Maryam recited the whole doa together, and we all ate dinner together, so overall, it wasn't a bad day. In fact, it was the opposite. Happy Awal Muharram^^ semoga Allah permudahkan urusan kita, and hopefull the new book is better and cleaner than last years' :)

074. We're like stow-away lovers, destination: nowhere

2011-11-23T09:09:00.001-08:00

So I've been thinking- a lot, I think of why things happened, how it happened, the present, the past, the deja vu, the jamais vu, the presque vu, and some of the infinite possibilities for the future. Explains my sleepless nights, my absent appetite, my silent mouth and this weird emo vibe I have been radiating with for the past week.

And to conclude all of my thoughts, I think...things happen when they should when we do what we do best when we say 'I do' to weird stuff that might seem relevant at first, but ends up being totally irrelevant. What am I saying exactly? Is the irony of karma.

It makes perfect sense, what happened? Karma happened. The thing is, I'm a happy person, I have my happy moments, I randomly stop from walking just to look clearly at the sky- the clouds, I feel my spirit being lifted whenever I hear birds chirping, I feel so serene just being in the presence of such nature, and it doesn't stop there. I have these amazing people I can proudly call my friends that puts all the colours of the rainbow on my daily canvas, and I have a stress-free policy regarding study, I never put pressure on the things I do, because I do the things I love, and by putting it in a tight situation would probably change the way I feel about those stuff, so I study for the fun of it. And to top everything, I have amazing parents, the best, and a perfectly unique mix of siblings which just completes my life. I live a very happy, peaceful, tension-free life... and that might just be the problem.

There's probably something wrong with that degree of happiness, that I need to pay with a handful of sorrow. I somewhat believe in karma, that it gives a balance in one's life. If someone's being very very lucky today, he might be very very unlucky tomorrow. It's probably not the case of the universe, but by believing it, it's kind of a bit comforting to feel like I deserve this much pain, because I was so happy before.

I'm quite low profile, I avoid being too social, because I don't want to get tangled in weird complicated drama, I can't bear emotional stuff like that, it's hard on my digestion. When I was sick with the whole high profile boarding school status, I quit all that and settled down in a very remote quiet underrated school near my house, and for the first time since I turned into a teenage girl, I actually felt happiness. It wasn't the environment to be honest, it was probably the lifestyle. The walks, the talks, the smiles, the jokes, the tease, the craze, the stupidity, the silence. Everything's guilty pleasure. And I was happy ever since.

The last time I experience this much of jumbled emotions was probably when I was 14. It's quite an exaggeration to compare the situations, but the feelings the exact same. The thing is it wasn't just one emotion, it was a mixture of weird choices of emotions that somehow mashed up resulting to a very...weird aftermath of helplessly embarrassing moments of random stuff. I'm usually mind over matter, so when my emotions controlled my mind, it felt...like some wicked emo demon took over my soul. It was weird.

Now everything fine, not back to normal, heck, nothing can get back to normal after all that and I'm not expecting it too. Just...bearable, survivable, I con go through the day without an emotional breakdown, and hopefully things get better. There's just this great wall of awkwardness between us that we need to get rid of, and it needs time, so I'm counting on you, dear temporal dimension, do your thing and I can get back to my regular-always-sleepy-always-eating-always-joking-around-self.

emotionally tired ><

On a side note, Ummi & Abah insyaALLAH will be back this Monday, (o yeaaaaaaah ) Imma hug them once they step their feet on tanah Malaya. Announcing this cause I'm totally making my other siblings jealous for not being anywhere near Selangor by the time the plane lands. In your face! ;P

073. Adinda.

2011-11-17T11:36:00.001-08:00

Maryam, sibling #4

KLsentral

Congrats, 5A.

Me: nok gapo? Meh Ifah belanjo?
Maryam: Kekgi ah, nok mikir dulu
*some friend screaming next to the phone* :IPHONE!!!!!
Me: That. For sure not.

She deserves it, (the grades, not the phone) she studies like mad. Sometimes she studies too hard that it annoys me to the extend of me screaming to her "GET A LIFE!" and..well..she never does. But then again, that's just how she is, a control freak, and maybe she wants to stay that way, just as much as I want to stay carefree. Putting it that way, it makes me realize I have no rights to force her in doing anything, but I do voice out my philosophies in life to her sometimes. Just a matter of abiding or ignoring; her choice.

So she cried, overwhelming joy flooding inside her. Hopefully she relaxes a bit today,.

072. 111111

2011-11-10T09:25:00.001-08:00

A simple day- a peaceful day if I must say. Something oddly comforting about the whole day. Probably the date, probably the norm, and probably nothing, but there definitely was something.

I woke up late actually. Quite late, and I didn't bother to rush everything. I felt very calm, I told the others to not wait for me, for I will take my time, and I certainly did. I took a relaxed, moderate shower, and I calmly walked to classes despite being 30 minutes late. It was probably the birds, chirping away. The drizzle maybe, inhaling the fresh air that smelled of rain. Or the subtle breezing blowing at my face.

Serendipity.

Got a message from Mekah. Ummi & Abah are already back at Haram on 111111, praying for my studies and stuff. It contributed to a very great feeling of eagerness to do something amazing meshed up with a sense of happiness crawling inside.

Went to bed fairly early. Had a goodnight sleep. :)

071. Nani kore? (it's japanese, if you're wondering)

2011-11-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

*me studying Maths on my desk
*Shahirah walks in
Shah: Eh, sejak bila start study ni?
Nael: Sarkastiknya
Shah: Takdelah, tak pernah tengok awak study.
Nael: Ye ke?
Shah: Yelah, kalau masuk bilik awak, tengok movie, drama, tido, komputer. Kan Ain?
*Ain angguk
Nael: lol. Dari sem 1 lagi korang tengok kita tak study?
Shah: .... memang awak tak study kan?
Nael: *lololol

the saddest part was that Shah was being serious the whole time. The funniest part was how amazed she was seeing me studying, she was genuinely surprised that it even surprised myself. And to clear things up, I do study, just not as much as everyone else. I don't have a timetable of what to study at what times (cause I know I won't abide it anyway). I kind of just follow what I feel like doing. And sometimes people disagree with my methods of studying. But I have faith with comfort and willingness, so that's why I'll study when I want to...even if it does mean not studying much.

What's the deal with people and ghost movies? And what's the deal with people luring other reluctant people with unrelated bait, to keep them company while watching these movies? I feel so...deceived. Like the other day Akah lured me to her house with pizza when she actually wanted to show this creepy Spanish ghost movie she downloaded "The crazy zombie woman looks so scary!" =,= well at least there were pizza. This time, everyone (excluding me and Aisyah) was so excited to watch paranormal activity (1 and 2), and I was peacefully studying in my room when Aisyah said she'll be watching korean variety shows, and I was like hey, I haven't watched those in ages. I finished up my trigo notes and happily joined them when all of a sudden there's no korean variety shows in sight. There was one laptop and that only laptop was playing paranormal activity.

I was stuck there for 3 hours listening to their comments on "Kenapa bapak dia tak nak percaya?" , "menda tu tarik baby tu", "Anjing tu mati dah ke?", and luckily I had my crows zero manga to accompany me. It's not that I feel like I'm brave enough for these movies, in fact it's the exact opposite. I know I'm a coward, and I know I won't stop thinking about those events and won't stop being paranoid for no apparent reason, so I just...don't watch them.

I'm suddenly reminded of what Bob Lokman said, the other day he was in Shah Alam, I went to his forum, and he mentioned the revolution of ghost stories breaking in the movie industry. Suddenly there's a high demand on ghost stories and everyone's doing the same thing: horror comedy. Everyone knows that horror movies can slightly effect our nation's psyche, especially kids, but something that Bob Lokman said kind of made a lot of sense

Kalau kita risau budak-budak akan terpengaruh dengan hantu-hantu ni, tu bukan amsalah utamanya. Kalau tengok statistik, remaja yang paling ramai tengok crite hantu dekat wayang ni, tap kalau tanya dorang, percaya tak hantu, diorang akan jawab tak. Diorang memang tak percaya wujudnya hantu-hantu mengarut tu, tapi sebab diorang tengok crite-crite hantu adalah untuk mengisi kekosongan ilmu alam ghaib. Fitrah manusia untuk mengetahui perkara-perkara ghaib ini.

On a side note, I prefer Sci-fi...and probably action, Crows Zero is the best *thumbs up

070. Sacrifice

2011-11-06T23:13:00.000-08:00

It's not as simple as that

069. Sedia, mula!

2011-10-31T07:29:00.000-07:00

People are always annoyed by learning institutes, be it a school or college or university, people are constantly complaining about life conquered by exam oriented systems: a pile of assignments with a dash of nerve wrecking exams to study for. So when the times comes for a holiday, a break from this so-called prison, we literally...go nuts.

Going to sleep before the break of dawn, waking up after lunch time, spending almost 24 hours in front of the computer, hangout with friends, eat all day, sleep all day, and that's the whole routine for the holiday. Don't kid yourself with the thought of doing homework or studying for the next semester, read my lips "That. Will never happen". Everyday is a useless cycle.

I got to be honest, I like school. I was in denial before, but I've come to my senses and embraced the ironic fact that I love school. I just love it. It's the only period where I feel..like I have a life. Being bound with schedules means a life to me, like I have a purpose to wake up and breathe. Today I'm gonna do this, tomorrow I'm gonna do that. I learn things and I have a light pressure to be serious about it and to actually pin it to my brain. I don't feel worthless to live. When I actually wake up to get ready for classes, I finally get to enjoy the morning breeze, I feel alive.

Being back to classes and exams relaxes me, a lot. I feel relief, like everything's going to be normal again. I'm honestly, really excited to be learning again.

068. Hidup normal kembali

2011-10-29T22:17:00.001-07:00

satu bulan 3 minggu ;)

067. What you didn't know

2011-10-29T07:25:00.000-07:00

001: 5 interesting facts about yourself.

01. I was born during a flood. Knee level, the hospital told us to leave right away (kejam bunyi)
02. I was born earlier than due, I was supposed to come out early January 1994, but I came out at the end of December 1993, so technically I rebelled and saved a year of my life.
03. I've had pneumonia. 2 years ago. I don't have them anymore but I still have some side effects lingering within me, I get cold very easily. I feel cold even when people say it's hot. I don't sleep with the fan/air-cond on and I never sleep without my blanket. I also never enter Annex without bringing my Baby milo jacket. The first time I was there without my jacket, I felt like freezing to death.
04. Mario Bros 2 is the only game that I enjoy playing, and I used to play it all the time (I'd be Luigi, Qeelah would be Mario), and Abah bought us Mario 3D and Zelda 3D, but I dunno, 2D has more appeal to me.
05. I love love love Time-out (the Cadbury chocolate) but all of a sudden they're nowhere to be found. There's not a single shop that sells it anymore. It's one of my most horrifying shocks ever. And I've been craving for it ever since.

002: The meaning behind your name.

Naelah means Receiver, obtainer

Day 3: About your friends.

I don't have much friends to begin with, I sometimes get tangled into messy complicated situations where there are backstabbings and untrustworthiness and hippocracy and well I don't survive in a place long enough to establish a standing friendship, but I cherish the ones I have. And they're awesome :3

006: A song that makes you cry.

007: Your crush.

Does not acknowledge my existence.

008: Something you hate about yourself.

Not knowing how to cook

009: Your definition of love.

Brain Activity. The chemical reactions that occurs as a response to someone's words and actions.

010: Your best friend.

Atiqah Mad Jan- part time lover, full time friend

011: A letter to one of your exes.

Dear creep, stop stalking!

012: Your favorite female group.

013: Your least favorite female group.

I just don't like SNSD's music in general: repetitive with pointless lyrics, not to mention only 3 people can sing, and only Taeyeon's voice is praiseworthy. Plus they rely a lot on their outer appearance and exposure. 2NE1 on the other hand are more daring in the sense of art, music and fashion. Their lyrics are always relevant and their live performances are impressive.

014: Something you love about yourself.

I'm the underdog. People look at me and they don't expect much from me, which is a good thing for me, cause I can do whatever I want and I won't be pressured to be good at anything. Just being myself, not trying to impress people. People always ignore me, especially when they barely know me, they won't pay much attention to me. My existence does not contribute to any significance, and I like that. I don't like being in the spotlight, where people are always watching me and I get pre-cautious to things I do, so I'm very blessed with this level of popularity :D

015: What you would if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant.

If I were pregnant, then that means I'm already married. So a child would count as a blessing. Therefore I would bear it, take care of the baby. Name him 'Ahmad Adil' or name her 'Bazilah' (I've secretly thought of baby names before)

016: A photo that makes you smile.

017: A photo that makes you want to cry.

The sad thing about this photo, is that he looks really peaceful.

018: A letter to someone you miss.

Please please me.Love me, do.

019: A habit you wish you didn’t have.

Spending money without a proper plan. It's not like I don't have one, I plan out my expenses all the time. The habit is to always not abiding it.

020: A letter to your parents.

I don't know how to express how grateful I am to have such cool parents, really. Thanks for everything. From the moment the world welcomed me, to date, thanks. Keep on being amazing!

021: Short goals you wish to fulfill by the end of the month.

Balik Kelantan, jaga adik, attend short sem, welcome Abah n Ummi back to Malaysia

022: Your nicknames & why you have them.

Ifah -only family is aloud to use it
Nael -I prefer this one the most, and the ones who call me this are naturally very good friends to me.
Sha -I seriously don't know where the idea came from, but someone in UIA calls me this, an dthe weirdest part is that she already knows my name is Naelah.

Other than that, just 'Naelah' is fine.

023: What you would find in your bag.

My galaxy tab, wallet & camera

024: A song that makes you smile.

025: How you found out about blogger & why you made one.

My dad introduced it to me when I was 9, saying it as a form of expression. And as someone who was never good at expressing verbally, technology is a great help. Basically I made one to have a medium to express anything I was uncertain to express directly to people, and by that point, it has been a part of my life. I started Jiwa Mendung in early June. Before, I had ajikto & Naelism(formerly roughberrycrunch). I have no plans in quitting blogger, but I probably would change my style of writing when I'm ready for a change.

026: First 10 songs to play on shuffle on your iPod.

Yoon Mirae - Get it in
Colbie Caillet - You got me
Adventure time - Daddy, why did you eat my fries?
Dumbfounded - Clouds
Epik High - Owls. Shadows. Tears
Urban Zakapa - A cup of coffe
Tyler Ward (cover) - Pumped Up Kicks
Clara C (cover) - Rocketeer
Secret - Starlgiht, Moonlight
Block B - Halo

027: Your fashion style.

Denim jubah + any sort of tudung would do. Sloppy, messy, me.

028: What attracts you to someone.

Their thoughts. When someone says something really deep and meaningful, I tend to think about it for days and I find myself attracted to that someone- no matter the gender.

029: Future plans/goals.

Finish foundation with a high CGPA ;D

30: Who are you?

Dazed & Confused

066. Hanggg, jammm

2011-10-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Result keluar hari ni, announcement dah lama dah, boleh dikatakan semua orang udate status, tukar display pic jadi related kepada UIA, memang sengaja nak ingatkan semua orang yang result dah dekat. terima kasih

Official announcement pukul 5 petang. Sekarang pukul 10 malam, server masih down.

###EDITED### 10.25 PM

Amirul Asyraf post dekat group 407

"Brother/sister sekelian! Kita perlukan confirmation! Adakah kita memang kena re-sit exam SHE1114 (Math 1)? Sape yang ada no miss haza, tolong confirmkan."

Jgn cakap mengarut, tolonglah, tak lawak!

###EDITED### 11.45PM

Lecturer cakap

"the rumors are true"

###EDITED### 3.30PM (the next day)

okay, semua orang dah tengok result, dan semua orang tak nak bagitau GPA masing2. As for me, well, I can't say for a fact that I'm proud with what I've got, but not overall disappointed either. Expected, the least. Dalam 6 subjek yang aku ambik, ada dua yang aku ada consider nak drop , and I've said why. But in the end I didn't drop them, but got a whopping B+ and B- for BTQ and Computer respectively. I've been dwelling with these two subjects since the beginning of the sem and I've tried my best to make it up for them.

The thing is, I felt that I was unjust towards these two subjects. I focused more on Physics and Maths, calculating the logic and certainty of both, and by doing that, I neglected BTQ and Comp half-heartedly. Plus, Database got me wrecking my own brain and I was in a playful distress mode, so there was such little time dedicated to study all the theories and concepts in BTQ and Comp. I'm not giving excuses or trying to appeal for my B achievements, just wanted to share my semester 1 Dilemma.

I didn't get any As (sadly), but I've got A- for the others. Excluding Maths I la of course, kena re-sit.

Overall 3.45 doesn't sound so bad. I'm still not used to this whole pointer grading thing, so I don't know what to feel. I think Physics saved my pointer, I mean with 5 credit hours times the 3.67 grade point for A-, that contributes quite a lot, so I guess I owe Amirul Asyraf a 'thank you' for that Physics discussion. (Of course he got a 4.00 for Physics, there's no point in asking)

I guess I can happily register for Sem 2 this Monday. That is, IF there's a second semester for us.

to the taddle-tale

065. Going Ninja

2011-10-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

It's not that I don't trust him, I just....doubt him. Dia jenis persistent, kalau benda tu dia nak, dia nak jugak, kalau tak dapat terus mengamuk, but that doesn't make him a jerk in general, he just doesn't seem to understand yet how to control his desires, jadi berdasarkan teori aku ni, aku takleh strict sangat dengan dia, aku tak nak kongkong hidup dia, lagi rebel jadinya. So aku lenient.

Tapi risaulah jugak bila keluar malam-malam, curfew dia sampai Maghrib, takleh lebih-lebih, tapi bila hala tujunya ke Surau, susah sikit nak halang, yelah pergi tempat baik, masalahnya buat benda baik ke tak? Keraguan tu wujudlah bila denga laporan-laporan Maryam pasal dia mingle dengan delinquents, time orang ceramah dia main kat padang, and worse he's been lying. Tambah pulak Suedah cakap sekarang musim orang culik boys his age, makin risau dan makin liar imaginasi possible outcome nanti.

Ninja time. The plan was to go after Maghrib, spy on him, Isya' at surau and then go home like nothing happened, sampai je surau terus cari tempat jauh-jauh dan tersorok nak parking, tapi menghadap pagar masuk, elok je tutup engine, terus nampak Ahmad keluar dengan basikal dia, kalut terus, "IKUT DIA, IKUT DIA!" tapi nak spy orang kena slow-slow, kena smooth, jalan skit, parking dekat bawah pokok, nak tengok dia belok kanan ke kiri, ikut punya ikut, rupanya siggah rumah kawan sekejap pastu balik Surau.

Slack nya plan ni, sebab tak ada lelaki, kalau ada at least one guy, boleh dia access tempat sembahyang Muslimin tengok Ahmad ada tak dalam tu, susah-susah Maryam nak ngintai di sebalik kereta-kereta orang dengan penuh semangatnya tunduk dan menyorok. Haish, kalau orang nampak ni, suspicious benor.

Turns out, Ahmad really did go to the surau, really did listen throughout the ceramah, and really did come home after Isya'. Now I feel ashamed for doubting him in the first place, but still, I'm responsible for him so I deserve to doubt him (more or less), but going ninja was loads of fun with the suspense and stuff. There probably would be a 'next time' :D

064. Ombak berbisik

2011-10-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

Pergi Terengganu untuk empat hari, rasa berat nak tinggalkan adik-adik kat rumah. Memanglah makcik & bibik jaga, tapi perasaan macam seorang bapak pergi outstation (cewah, metafora yang sangat hyperbola) tapi boleh diibaratkan sebegitu perasaan bila pergi.

Sebenarnya, rasa berat nak pergi, tapi fikirkan adik seorang yang jauh ke timur itu melalui saat-saat yang significant dalam hidup dia, berasa berat pulak kalau TAK pergi. Dalam dilema pilihan barat dan timur yang sama-sama berat ini, setelah fikir dalam-dalam, pilihan timur nampak paling rational.

Ceritanya, adik aku yang form 5 ni (the one with the specs), Una, selesai hafal 30 Juz Quran (alhamdulillah, seriously everyone in the family is very proud of her), jadi untuk menghargai usaha-usaha Hafiz & Hafizah gugusan sekolah-sekolah Imtiaz Terengganu, Yayasan Islam Terengganu telah adakan penyampaian sijil & cash (1k) untuk setiap pelajar ni. Tarikh Majlis Huffaz tu pulak jatuh pada tarikh yang agak lewat, menimbulkan kesulitan untuk hadir bagi ibu bapa yang pergi haji awal. Natijahnya, dalam radius 6000 batu, akulah waris terdekat dan tertua dan termampu untuk bermusafir ke Terengganu sorang-sorang.

Perbualan antara Una & (kemungkinan) gurunya ...

"Mok ayoh Husna mana?"
"Duk Mekah, buat haji."
"Habis tu? Sorang ke ni? mokcik ke, sedara, waris takdok hok mari?"
"Er..ado kakok mari, tu" *points at me *me smile
"Eloklah tu, mujur ado hok mari, karang takut menangis kalu takdok"

Una nampak okay, sihat, ceria, yang tak boleh blahnya kawan-kawan dia asyik tanya balik dengan bas ke tak, bukannya aku bawak kereta =,=

adik-adik kat rumah pun tak lupa, tiap-tiap malam call tanya khabar, dan tiap-tiap malamlah dengar cerita macam-macam, rindulah, menangislah, bergaduhlah, stress la, haish, makin risau jadinya. Sebelum aku bertolak ke Terengganu, aku tinggalkan wasiat gak (saja nak bunyi dramatik), aku ckp kat Ahmad, udah-udahlah dengan PSP, study untuk exam, Ahmad accepted the challenge, jadi aku entrusted Maryam untuk guard PSP tu sampai hari Jumaat, hari Selasa aku call rumah, menangis stress belajar nak main PSP sekejap pun Maryam tak kasi, so aku buat deal dengan dia 30 minit boleh main setiap hari, hari rabu aku call Maryam pulak mengadu Ahmad tak ikut time line, adduyai that's it, pasni aku tak keluar pergi mana-mana dah!

Sampai Shah Alam, Ahmad dah habis exam, terus pergi kedai tambah 12 game dalam PSP (ambik kau). Got a call from Mekah, Ummi bagi izin, so Ahmad pun dah happy. Dalam kereta, aku cakap kat dia, since guna duit aku, aku tak nak beli game bunuh-bunuh banyak sangat, at least ada lah dalam 2-3 puzzle. So, sapa-sapa nak main Sudoku, bolehlah dipersilakan meminjam PSP Ahmad :D

Pergi Terengganu ambil kesempatan pergi Pantai sekejap. Tidur rumah Ain, so sebelum pergi tu, dah bagitau dia nak jalan-jalan Terengganu. Tak kisah pergi mana, tapi wajib pergi pantai. Dah berzaman tak pergi pantai, I want that peace & quiet & the smell of the sea & the sound of the waves, it was one of the highlights that I anticipated in the trip, so when we got there, I was breathless.

The beach was exactly what I imagined: serene and majestic all the way. Aku dengan Ain berdiri menghadap laut, tenung ombak, just standing there for hours admiring the beauty. I felt very content, and peaceful just being in the presence of such comfort. Everything was happening very fast, the exams, the fuss with Egypt and Mekah, Disco research, trip to Sarawak, death of a few people, responsiibity anak sulung, and going to Terengganu all of a sudden. Going to the beach kind of stopped time and cleared my mind.

It was a breathtaking moment, standing there looking at the sea, walking throughout the beach, picking up weird shells and tossing them back at the waves and seeing it drifted to sea.

Everything's so beautiful

063. In a radius of 4000 miles

2011-10-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

Ummi & Abah just arrived in Mekah, and prior to their absence, they've left a wasiat. Well it's actually just a few pesanan but Ummi somehow wanted to sound dramatic so she was like "Meh sini semua anak Nordin denga wasiat" and so there we stood, the three of us, in the master bedroom.

I'm getting used to it, all the 'eldest child responsibility shift' that has been on my shoulders for the past years. It's not that the eldest is neglecting her responsibilities or anything, it's just that she's always out and about and she's always coincidentally absent throughout the breaking affairs in our family, so it's ~~always~~ usually me handling these situations. And I don't have a right-hand man either, Una's far away to the East since the past 5 years and her presence is just as rare as Qilah's so I'm usually dealing this alone, which is good for me I guess. I mean, I'm a carefree person, I take nothing seriously so when a responsibility this heavy is shifted on my shoulders, I know well not to take it lightly.

I remember the first time I was directly bound with trust, it was a few years ago, I just recently settled down in a co-ed government school, and Abah suddenly was diagnosed with Diabetes. During that time, Qilah and Una was away, so I had the eldest shift, and Ummi was in the midst of her PhD studies, so it was a very hard time on her. Ummi took me to see Abah, Yam and Ahmad were probably in school. Ummi started conversing with Abah about medicine and stuff, and I wasn't paying much attention until Ummi suddenly burst out crying. Abah tried to console her but...she kind of had all the reasons to be sad, and Abah turned to me with this very serious yet worried face and said "Jaga Ummi baik-baik, jaga adik-adik." and I knew right then, that this is immensely important.

The wasiat was very simple.

Ifah (me) is in charge, adik-adik needs to listen to her.
Ifah (me) holds the household money: groceries & gas money
No fighting among siblings (In which Maryam answered "No promises")
No PSP, computer during a school night (In which Ahmad responded "No promises")
Never leave prayers

and I really hope things go smoothly for the next 44 days, especially the days when I'm gone back to IIUM. I don't want my parents to worry much, and speaking of the adjective, Atuk and Nenek were particularly worrying and missing their dear daughter in Mekah, they didn't even have much appetite.

We were having Kerang for lunch and Atuk was signaling me to look at Nenek, who didn't finish her plate. He was mouthing to me "Rindu anok, tok lalu make" in which nenek replied "Kito tok tahu, dio make ke dok denun, kito kenye sini" and then Atuk and Sue dah was going on and on about how they give food to people nowadays, that tabung haji has developed to caring for the jemaah's welfare and stuff. And in the end even Atuk didn't finish his plate. (Lol, comel je)

Lunch was interesting today, Atuk talked about his children's name and why he named them the way they are. My mother has a very short name, Salwana. Simplest name I've ever heard, and yet my aunt has a quite complicated name and I asked why. He said, it was based on a srikandi (cewah). Some dude in Indonesia was being hunted and he fled leaving his daughter to the bibik, who smuggled the baby out of the castle and survived. And then I asked about my uncle, his name is Silmi, and Atuk explained that it literally means pendamai and around the time of the birth, the conflict between Malaysia and Indonesia was settled, thus it inspired him.

Lol, it's funny to think that Atuk names his children based on current events. And then Sue dah mentioned that Atok's name wasn't originally as it is. His original name was Ramli and then he changed it to Hassan. I kept asking why but he made grunting noises and Nenek was talking about Ramli being the name of an entertainer "duk galok sano sini" referring to the legendary P,Ramlee, and it became even funnier picturing Ummi's name with a Ramli at the back.

Lol.

062. Trespassing the boundaries between life and death

2011-10-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

Kali kedua, tapi tak tahulah kali ini dikira aku menghadiri pengebumian atau tak, sebab...sememangnya aku tak ada waktu pengebumian tersebut. Dan waktu kali pertama tu pun, aku tak ikut sampai pengebumian, tapi pengiraan ni berdasarkan pengalaman suasana kematian seseorang, dan oleh dikatakan ia merupakan pengalaman melihat suasana kematian itu dalam dua paradigma yang berbeza.

To be honest, I didn't know what to say- I still don't, really. I got the message when I was boarding a plane back to KL so I couldn't contact her via phone line, but it dominated my mind that night- the whole situation and what was the possibly helpful thing to do and say. And I thought about it more the next day, and in the end I said nothing.

Not that I didn't want to, I figured that nothing I say would make her feel better and everything else is irrelevant. I mean, sadness is a typical emotion when it comes to dealing death, and people always say "be strong" and stuff, but truth is, you won't 'be strong' even when you know that's the thing you're supposed to do. Because it's one of those situations where your emotions is kicking your logic out of the statement, and you end up doing something natural rather than rational. Nothing to be ashamed of, it's the starting point of humanity.

Well I didn't exactly say nothing. I just mentioned my hopes for her well being in the future, and sent condolences on behalf of my family and I. I don't know if that's the right thing to do, or the opposite, but I do know it's sincere, and I believe that matters the most.

061. Balit Sarawak mun belon sig delay

2011-10-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

It all started with the subject on backpacking...

"Bestnya backpacking, jom buat sama-sama."
"Nak pergi mana?"
"Korea!"
"Pergila UK, at least they speak English"
"Pastu pergi France naik train"
"Duit pulak masalah"
"Dalam Malaysia dululah."
"...."
"Jom pergi rumah Aisyah!"

Then someone asked when would it be...

"Cuti sem break kita berapa lama?"
"3 minggu"
"Cuti short sem nanti?"
"1 minggu"
"Sem 3 kita berapa lama?"
"6 bulan"
"...."
"Lepas exam ni terus pergi."
"Tapi tu 2 minggu je lagi."
"Exactly"

Hoho, random je kot idea nak pergi Sarawak, dan setiap kali kumpul buat meeting nak bincang pasal hal-hal Sarawak ni, memang bising tahap gaban (Sorry Nurin, Fadlina) Tiket naik airline mana, itenary nak buat apa, transport nak sewa kereta ke, macam2, but so far everything's going according to plan. All the tickets have been booked, I'm pretty sure Munn is handling our transport pretty well, we've got tonnes to do on our itinerary, accommodation is fixed: we'll be sleeping at Aisyah's place, and we won't be bothering her parents too much, they're busy with their haji stuff going on (as well as my parents), and hopefully the weather would be nice for pictures (I'll be snapping them like mad). Overall I'm excited, reaaa~~ly excited. All that's left for me to do is download enough Adventure time and Downton Abbey on my tab for the journey.

060. Bigger, badder and sucking my money like a vampire

2011-10-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

Big bad wolf sale is awe~~~some. Seriously, Syafiqah Othman, I love you for taking me there.

For those of you who have never heard about the big bad wolf sale, it's this book sale that has the craziest discounts ever and it's an annual thing, so it's an event anticipated every year.

The funny thing is, when I went to the sale last year, I came out with mostly romantic books, things like The traveler's wife, Another man's life, belong to me and stuff. This year, on the contrary, I came out with mostly psychotic books. The man who's supposed to be dead, the girl with a psycho mind, and a psychologist in a quest to search happiness. Irony, but I really want to read them (Virgin Suicides wasn't in heir database though, shame)

On a side not, I just edited my covalent bonds are gay post, which is a mega long school dedicated post I did earlier this year, and I kind of left it unfinished and backtracking ajikto I just realized that, and I'm feeling quite happy today, so I editted it a bit. Nothing much, just a few words scattered here and there, but I'm glad that I did finish it eventually.

059. Tragedi Sebuah Epal

2011-10-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

There are 3 apples that changed the world
The apple that Snow White ate.
The apple that fell on Isaac Newton's head.
The apple Steve Jobs invented

Steve Jobs' death was the first thing I heard that morning (okay, technically read). After Subuh I was lying on the bed, checking the news (I consider Pulse a news source) and literally, every source on Pulse was flooded with articles about Steve Jobs. I opened facebook and people were updating their status about apple and stuff, I opened the tv, his death was making headlines.....everywhere: Berita terkini, Buletin Utama, Bernama, you name it, everyone's talking about.

Well I initially didn't want to blog about him, I've never actually paid attention to him in the first place. He's on tumblr once a while, but that's just because people were captioning him talking with Bill Gates with this very funny looking smile of them, saying about them being too rich. "Let's flip a coin." ,"flip what?" you know what I'm saying? And Macintosh has this very stylish and elegant graphic interface that I just thought Steve Jobs has very classy and high taste to come up with that design, so when I read an article about him saying that he was very very poor, I'm so shocked that I need to blog about it.

The article was entitled, 9 things you didn't know about Steve Jobs, and really, I wouldn't have guessed any of them. The most shocking fact was that he was adopted, he reunited with his biological mother when he was old enough, but his father was left estranged, and get this, his father is a Muslim, well I'm jumping into conclusions but the name 'Abdulfatah' sounds very Muslim to me, or maybe he's just Arabic, I don't know, he works in a casino to top things off, so...yeah, that's a shocking fact.

And I never knew he was poor. I knew he was a drop out, I never knew he was so poor that he slept on the floor, and walked miles to have free food in a Buddhist temple, which reminds me, I think he's a Buddhist. I haven't read a statement saying his exact religion, but he was married through a monk and judging by the fact that a temple saved him from hunger, he might as well embrace that religion.

And I just realized, most of his speeches and conferences involve him wearing his favorite turtle neck and jeans. (Fashion terrorist much)

I know everybody loves Apple, it's so expensive and so pretty and so different, but that's the thing, it's.... all that. Personally, I'm not too fond of the brand. I mean, people have been using windows for ages, I even remember the days I used Windows 95. Do you remember? Back then the logo looked like this

Lol, classic. Well, the thing is about Windows, is that people are accustomed with it. Nobody takes Computer classes nowadays, and they don't even know what a operating system is, so to a lot of people, using a computer means using windows. What they don't know is that there are other operating systems in the world until Macintosh was created, what people don't realize is how different they are. Isn't that Steve Jobs' motto? 'Think different' and really, using Macintosh is a headache- it's fun, I don't deny it, but you have to learn everything anew, and sometimes file transfer between Mac and Windows is not doable, there will be technical difficulties between these two operating systems, and you don't run things like windows, everything's a bit....foreign.

Let's do a bit of a showdown.

Desktop. I'm gonna vote Mac for this. iMac is amazing, the system unit is small, the utilities are well organized, I've been using Macintosh for a while, so I'm a bit used to the operating system by now, and Windows however, although not bad itself, iMac just crushes it. Mac 1, Windows 0

Notebook. I'm rooting Windows for this. I don't know why desktop and laptop makes any difference when it comes to operating system, but for some odd reason, I don't like my macbook, I've faced a few complications with work because of it, and ironically I want the macbook for work, so it's not actually helping. It's just that Windows is very universal and most of my work involve Windows based applications. When I want to print something, it's not in the right format, when I want to unzip Winrar files, suddenly the unzip utility wouldn't work. When I install a foreign specialized application, it won't auto open as Windows usually do. And Parallels is just not working, I installed Bootcamp for like so many freaking times that I just gave up on it, and to be honest I'm pretty glad my sister took it to Egypt, so now I have space for a new laptop (I'm eyeing Vaio, that neon green C series looks so tempting) Mac 1, Windows 1

Netbook. Macbook Air isn't actually a netbook, but it's smaller than a notebook, and it doesn't have a CD player, I'm just going to categorize it as a netbook. Truth has to be told, Macbook Air is the coolest netbook there is. Although I'm not too fond of it (especially that auto scrolling ability, pergh ai, geram nak campak) but for the sake that it has a higher performing processor, I'm voting Mac. Mac 2, Windows 1

Tablet. Windows haven't exactly released a tablet (yet), so I'm gonna combine Windows with Samsung, since they're the one competing. Well, it's hard to compete the ipad with a galaxy tab, because they both are very different. And I haven't tried using galaxy tab 10.1 (which is the same level as an ipad) but I've gotta say, ipad's boring, like seriously, what do you do? you have to pay for all the cool apps, and wifi is the only internet connection option there is. Everytime you want to play, you'll need to sign up, and the only button you have is the big Home button. Galaxy tab is a far better option. You can put a simcard, make calls, messages, Android apps are way better and a lot of them are free, there are 4 button at the bottom which makes life easier. Everytime I use the ipad, I keep hovering my fingers at the bottom when I want to go 'back', when the virtual button is on top (loser), Samsung it is. Mac 2, Windows/Samsung 2.

Phone. I know everyone loves the iphone (even those who doesn't own it), but personally, all the Samsung Galaxy series are better.I know some of my classmates are gushing over Zaim's iphone, but I play my dad's iphone all the time and the only app I am fond of is Harakah daily (which you can aslo get in the Android market) Seriously, I love Android. Apple is just hard to work with. Mac 2, Windows/Samsung 3.

There you go, Mac loses. This is based on my personal preferences, I admire Steve Jobs as an iconic figure, I'm just not into his work that much.

058. Overrated sculpture

2011-10-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

I just need to get this out of my system. Here's the thing, there's this picture that's been floating around facebook and has caught a lot of people's attention because of it's suggestive controversial theme, and most of these people were bashing the sculpture and the artist saying that it's rude and offensive for the Muslims, and well, I have my own opinion pertaining this mater.

First of all, I'd like to claim that these are y own thoughts and they're not based on any reliable source, so I might be wrong, I am aware of that, but that's the thing, there's no article or caption or anything that's explaining the purpose or meaning behind this wax sculpture, so everything and everyone's opinion is merely assumptions, pre-judging a situation that we don't quite understand wholly, so before I get attacked by any accusation, I'd like to remind anyone reading this, that I just want to express my opinions out, I'm not trying to make a whole new fatwa or manipulate anyone with anything, just to say what I think.

Here's the picture, and ..... to be honest I don't find this offensive, in any way. What is wrong with having a sculpture of three people with different religion praying in their own way? So, yeah, the Muslim is at the bottom, but it fits. You have the sejadah and somewhat Quran right next to him, then the kneeling Christian is on top, and then a jew standing on his shoulders. I don't think the level of that person signifies anything in this sculpture (yes, that is an assumption, but saying that it does signifies something is also an assumption). I'm not saying that I'm an expert in art, but generally I do know that Art has no boundaries. In expressing yourself through art, the limit is infinite because even ethics can't hold you back, (hence nudity) and people might disagree with the message that's trying to be conveyed but that depends if anyone would want to pay attention in the first place.

In my opinion, this sculpture is merely stating the different ways people pray or try to connect with God, and bottom line is that all three human portrayed in this sculpture has faith towards a higher power, and all of them facing one direction probably suggests that they're praying the same One.

What bothers me though, is the sculpture next to it. I'm thinking that they're not a set, that these two sculpture are not related with one another, but I'm really curious of why a Menorah is stuck in a gun? And it's not even the standard nine-branched menorah, it's an ancient seven-branched menorah that are usually in temples, even though both are associated with Hanukkah, I'm curious of the usage of the seven-branched Menorah signifies anything, and why is it in a gun? This is what people are supposed to be curious about.

Sometimes art can be offensive or relates with sensitive issues, but I think that it's one of the rights of the artist. It's like seeing people curse or say something really offensive. It's the same thing but a different way of expressing. And I don't think it bothers me much.

057. Nameless title is nameless

2011-10-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm gonna do something I haven't done in a while, which is writing about stuff that actually happened, in long, descriptive words. Yup, blogging the 'old school' way I used to way back when roughberrycrunch still existed.

Let's start with something simple, Semester I is over (ooooyeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhh) and no, it didn't wrap up peacefully and full of grace, it was the exact opposite.

Okay, so let me give a clear view about the whole situation. I took 6 subjects, and one of them is Physics. In our examination time-table, Physics is scheduled on Monday, 3rd October. On a side note, my sister Aqeelah was scheduled to fly to Egypt on that exact day. So I kind of had to rush things, cause the Mahallah won't let people leave things in the rooms, and we had to check out and give our keys and those stuff, so I wanted to know how I was going to go home.

I mean, I already went home that weekend to attend the Doa Selamat for Aqeelah and my parents (to Haji), so I've already brought back most of my stuff. What's left is the small shelf in the middle of the room and a few stuff (toiletries, a few clothes that I wore for two days, Physics notes, stationery, toiletries and pillows). I wanted to know, if Abah would come fetch me or I'd have to take a KTM, so I already called Ummi the night before to confirm my status and Ummi clearly stated that Abah wouldn't make it in time, she asked me when would my paper end, and I said 11. Honestly it was 12, but I can go out early if I wanted to, and I did, right after Aisyah submitted hers (I kept kicking the other Aishah's chair to give a hint that I'm done and let's get out of here, but she wouldn't budge).

So here's the thing, my phone got stolen the other day, so I have a new phone, and it's not exactly a 'phone' but it plays that role for me, but the galaxy tab is kind of big and I didn't want to bring that to the exam hall and have it lay under my seat so I left it in my locker. After finishing early, we headed to the cafe and grabbed some drinks and light food cause we were starving (don't ask at what time we went to bed), and waited for the others to finish, then we took some pictures of our last day, bid farewells and stuff, I was totally relaxed and had no worries, weren't rushing to go anywhere, I had everything planned in my mind, when I had back to my room, I'm gonna go lay down on bed for a while, then pack lightly, Abah would drive me here the next day to pick the rest of my things, I'd check out then, I have RM5 in my pocket, the bus ticket t KL Sentral is RM2.10, I'll use the rest to buy a snack at 711, I'll use my touchngo card to pay for KTM, I'd text Abah when I'm about 3/4 stations before Padang Jawa, I'l hop on the car and we'd be right on time to go to the airport, an I'd sleep during the journey. See how planned I was? Can you see how organized my day could actually have been? But no, what's life if it isn't a plot twist?

When I arrived at home, Azwa was being restless, her family's already arrived, and I was like, oh, okay, I'll just take lay down a bit, and then her phone rang, and I asked "Mak kau ke?" and she was like "tak, mak kau!" At first, I thought she was trolling, and I couldn't even differentiate a joke and a statement with that level of sanity, but Azwa shoved the phone to my ear, and suddenly I hear my mom's voice saying Abah has been waiting for me at the parking lot for about an hour, so I went to get my tab, and I had to rub my eyes with the amount of misscalls I received. 18? Bloody 18? Seriously? I called Abah, and he sound kinda pissed so I hurrily shoved EVERYTHING that's in fornt of me, in my bag, and took it downstairs with all the pillows, then I shoved EVERYTHING else in my locker, my desk, my bed, and shoved it in some paperbag, and took it downstairs, and went up again, I asked Azwa to help me with the shelf, and to be quite honest, it was pretty embarassing carrying a shelf that big (1 metre height, about 50cm width), but thankfully that's over. Bid farewell to Azwa, then I totally passed out in the car. That was so tiring, even though my room's on the first floor, but the parking lot isn't exactly near to my block, and I haven't had a decent breakfast, and I barely slept the night before (like seriously, it was roughly an hour) and everything happened quite abruptly, so, yeah, I was really tired, but I didn't sleep, I tried to, but I couldn't. I just rested my body.

When we got home, Abah told me to get in, and that he'd carry all my stuff in, and well, I wouldn't want to object that order, so I attacked the couch (which barely had any room, the living room is scattered with Qeelah's stuff) I was like a walking zombie- wait scratch that, I wasn't actually walking, just sitting, or laying down, so, I was an immobile zombie, I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't get myself to it. Ever since my sleep schedule got messed up, I couldn't get myself to sleep like I used to, it's more unnatural this way.

Anyway, the house was full of woman. Seriously, it felt there were more by the degree of fussiness that was present. There's my grandmother, check. My mother, check, Two f my aunts, check check, and ofcourse the youngest of them all to have a pretense of being a primadonna, Qeelah herself. They were all fussying about how her hard disk is undetectable with Windows, where's the Macbook charger, where's the camera, where's the clothes, which bag is it, what to wear, who's going with whom and a lot of stuff that did not survive in my brain, and I'm just there lying down trying to sleep, I mean I'd love to help, but there's honestly nothing to help. It kind of made me thinking that I have so many women in my life. So. Many.

We arrived at the airport shortly after Asar, Qeelah went with Abah after Zohor, so we met up at the airport and there's one event that I really want to blog about. Okay, um, the airport was filled with people who's going to study in Egypt, since it's a MARA thing, they were a lot, and they brought their friends and family with them, and you know someone's going to Egypt to study if you see them wearing a nametag with a pink strap

So Harimau Malaya was at the airport too, I didn't get close, just passed by them, I initially thought those were some fans because, well, everybody has the jersey and some were even wearing it last night, but something screamed official on their jackets, and I'm not a football fan so I don't know their faces, but I do know their coach, and he was talking to some white guy, and he was walking beside me, then this guy wearing a pink strapped nametag kind of gave a 'sup' nod to them, I literally laughed at the spot. He was like "Sup dude? Going to some tournament huh? Well, I doubt you'll win, but good luck anyway" LOLOLOL.

We were there for hoooooooouuuuurrrsss, literally, and finally it was time for goodbye. And everyone cried....except me. Lol, okay in my defence, I did not see crying quite relevant to the situation. I mean, she's going there to study, not a war, if God's willing, she'll be safe and sound and smart and come back with Doctor title, and well, isn't that something worth celebrating rather than crying over it. Well of course, we won't see her for the next 6 years, she might come back during the breaks depending on her allowance, but it's not like she's never been away before, she'll be fine insyaAllah, she'll always be in our prayers.

When I got back home, I attacked my bed, I prayed slowly 'Please make me sleep, please make me sleep' and when I blinked, it's already 6 O'clock in the morning. Showered and had breakfast (Didn't eat since breakfast the day before), and well, online since that. :D

I'm quite worried of what I'll be doing now, since my time table is completely empty, until next week that is (We're going to visit Aisyah in Sarawak, how awesome would that be?) In the mean time, I just...

056. Mesir, Mekah

2011-10-01T03:17:00.000-07:00

It was a tough decision: studying at UIA or going home for the Doa Selamat, and clearly I made the right one. I'm glad I came back home, and met my grandparents and had a very pleasant day with the whole family (and yes, I do mean the whole family including Una, skipped classes to be in Shah Alam). I missed Atok's croked smile and I was glad to see it again, along with the rest of the smiles- subtle smiles, sarcastic smirks, and genuine toothy smiles. Overall a very fine day.

Doa selamat. To the one going to Mesir for studying, and the couple going to Mekah for Haji.
God bless. Amin

Atok, udah-udahlah merokok tu. Berhentilah. Amin.

055. Jadual tidur, sabar!

2011-10-01T02:48:00.000-07:00

Exam week, enough said.

But still, I'm gonna say it: hectic as hell. I don't know if my emotions were just counter balancing with the current situation, nevertheless it confused me with its sudden outburst. Not that I did anything outrageous or stupid, it was just a dazed & confused moment, and I still wander about the reason that triggered my depression. It's nothing serious, really, just a couple of days with no appetite, no desire to sleep and unexplained hours spent thinking about dark, disturbing thoughts.

I thought about the factors and some of them consisted of

fear of detachment
lack of a sense of familiarity
the sudden realization of the high degree of inconsistency
Denial of stress

and then Exam came up, and I had to put my mind into the 6 subjects that I took, focus on the 18 credit hours that matters, and make up to the 33.5 average carry marks I have. So I'm not exactly confessing my early defeat. I'm not admitting that I'm giving up and willing to fail, I'm just expressing my jumbled up emotions that I'm going through this whole fortnight and it wrecked my whole sleep schedule.

I do have a firm belief in sleeping. That enough rest would result to a healthy and active brain, and it works better than brains that are forced to stay up in the middle of the night memorizing stuff. I don't usually violate that self-made rule, but suddenly my brain was awake for more than 36 hours and I wake up early, sleep at weird time slots, lost my desire to sleep and it kind of frightened me that I'm hurting myself, but the pain cannot be detected by my senses, as if somewhere in my nervous system, some wires got cut off and there's not exactly a Technician that can do anything about it.

But exam week's almost over, my appetite's coming back, my desire to sleep is slowly growing back, the Semester's almost over so I'll be home for a couple of weeks, it's just Physic paper this Monday and everything would be back to normal (I hope)

Sleep schedule, be patient!

054. Malaysia, bangkit!

2011-09-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

Hari ini Hari Malaysia, bukan Merdeka, tapi Malaysia. 31 Ogos tanggal Malaysia merdeka dari dominasi barat, or in the words of Ustaz Afi, Sekular! Sekular! . Hari Malaysia on the other hand, merupakan hari penubuhan Malaysia, in other words: Tanah Malaya tukar nama jadi Malaysia.

For some odd reason hari ini cuti, macam negara ini tak cukup lagi cuti umum (but hey, I'm not complaining), just made me think, kenapa kita sambut all these historic events? It's not as if we participated in it. Ok fine, it's the pride of being a Malaysian, to show our gratitude for the things Malaysians had done in the past, and the ideal way of doing so is by dancing around singing Kita sa~tu Ma~ laysia~~ ? Really?

Entahlah, suka hatilah orang nak cakap aku tak cukup patriotik untuk mengaku Melayu, but for me, the most idealistic way of reminiscing fallen heroes is appreciating the things they've done, visualize how the country would've been like without their heroic sacrifices and sincerely give al-fatihah or anything that can benefit them in some way.

I mean, people has lost the meaning of these celebrations. Macam kita kerja kuat sangat, hidup sibuk sangat, tiba-tiba ada orang cakap "Cop! Rilek jap, tahu tak hari ini hari apa?" and the realization of that contribution would slowly crawl. But no, that's a bit too surreal for people like Malaysians(or just people in general), it doesn't matter what happened multiple 365 days ago, as long as Hard Rock Cafe doesn't change their rate and there's a 40% discount on shopping sprees and promotions here and there. Are we really that shallow?

In the words of Fuzzy Logic,

Instead of being so fixated about where we came from, to the point of national insanity every year, let’s try a little to focus on where we want to be in the future ey? Who knows, it could be the key to solving a lot of shit in this country.

053. Empat bulan

2011-09-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

Empat bulan muka sama.

052. Kentut kau.

2011-09-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

Dalam hidup aku ni, ada ramai yang tak puas hati dengan aku. Aku tak berapa nak kisah sebab, aku pun tak nampak significantnya mereka dalam hidup aku sampai aku kena lulus cop approval mereka untuk hidup dengan tenang. Aku ada falsafah hidup aku sendiri: kau tak perlu suka semua orang untuk hidup. Kau takkan suka semua orang dalam hidup, tapi 'tak suka' tak semestinya bermaksud 'benci', sebab benci menimbulkan perasaan negatif yang mendorong kita untuk menjatuhkan seseorang itu, tak suka just simply means you don't care. Ignorance.

Aku selalu ignore golongan orang yang aku kurang nak suka itu, tapi kadang-kadang tersasul la jugak sarcasm/offensive words/maki-hamun and stuff. Bukan selalu, tapi bila dah jadi, orang takkan lupa. Fine, kau nak judge aku for that one verbal abuse, then I'm judging your single track mind that won't open up for a silly mistake. Makin membara ketidak suka-an itu atas dasar tak rasional nak merajuk hal kecil, tidak suka itu secara perlahan bertukar menjadi benci.

Aku tak kisah bila orang tak suka aku, tapi aku kisah bila aku tahu aku buat salah, dan nampak kesalahan aku itu. Aku minta maaf. Dan dalam proses bertuka-tukar kemaafan ini, aku pentingkan kejujuran. Kalau aku tahu yang aku masih sakit hati dengan apa yang kau buat, jujur aku cakap aku tak maafkan kau. Kalau aku boleh lupakan perkara itu, tak ada grudge whatsoever, aku maafkan kau. Apa gunanya memberi kata-kata kemaafan, tapi dalam hati tak ikhlas dan masih rasa sakit hati? What's the point of this whole exchange if we're not being honest with our feelings?

Kentut kau.

051. Nama berat nak bawa

2011-09-11T05:48:00.000-07:00

Pada mulanya, ingatkan perkara itu satu gurauan, tak ada bukti Black & White untuk mensahihkan kenyataan ini.

Diabaikan.

Lepas tu jumpalah Si Daddy nya, kerisauan dan keresahan dalam suara dia dah menjadikan kenyataan ini cukup sahih.

Jadi sekarang nak melatih lidah untuk membiasakan diri dengan menggunakan panggilan yang agak relevan dalam situasi ini, walau bercanggah dengan dokumen-dokumen rasmi yang mensijilkan identiti beliau.

Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin Aisyah Nazaruddin . . .

050. HTML vs. XML

2011-09-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

I won't say it's not much of a big deal yang XML menang, (although in the world of programming, HTML would always be a personal preference when it comes to language) but I had low expectations anyway, so tak kisah pun.

Terus terang cakap, Semester ni hectic gila, note to self: dah jangan menggatal nak ambik tanggungjawab jawatan line-up biro macam-macam, kau takleh nak handle!. Rasa kurang adil nak cakap tanggungjawab-tanggungjawab tu secara tidak sedar mengacau pengaturan waktu belajar aku, tak ada masa untuk buat semua, tapi sememang, terasa agak berat. Rasa macam nak mengaku markah-markah kuiz, tutorial, mid-sem boleh jadi lagi tinggi if not for those sudden academic-unrelated work, but that would be selfish of me, to blame the decision I made months ago.

Jadi untuk Semester 2, pre-book roommate aku dah cop Ain awal-awal, Raihana tak yah cakap ah, dah memang Day 1 lagi dah buat pact. Dua subjek untuk satu semester: Matematik 2 & Religions in Islam. No jawatans, no sudden meetings, no freaky events and a heck of time, kalau GPA tak naik, tak tahu ah.

Kenapa embed video Elvis Presley asyik tak boleh? You tube, kau benci the king kah?

049. I found a place to dwell

2011-09-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

Oh, although it's always crowded

You still can find some room

For broken hearted lovers

To cry there in their gloom

048. Ramadhan kirim salam

2011-08-30T06:30:00.001-07:00

Tanggal 1 haribulan syawal, selepas 29 hari berpuasa, akhirnya kita menyambut aidulfitri. Tak banyak nak kongsi, the only thing on my mind right now is how tired i am with all the raya-ing going around. ( yup, raya in this context is a rather than a noun)

Nevertheless, khutbah selepas solat sunat raya tadi agak best, dalam erti kata tiada noktah, tiada koma, tiada lawak jenaka, tiada isu semasa ( was he even breathing?) tiada nada sarkastik disitu, sememangnya khutbah macam itu yang mencabar mata untuk dibuka, tapi isinya padat dan mantap.

"Fitrah, fitri, suatu keadaan manusia yang suci dan semulajadi. Dan raya aidulfitri adalah untuk merayakan fitrah kita yang suci. Maka pada hari yang mulia dan penuh keberkatan ini, janganlah kita mencemarkan kesucian itu dengan dosa-dosa lagha dan maksiat."

Perkara yang sama dibincangkan oleh ustaz Harun din dalam Tanyalah ustaz, tonton sebelum bertolak ke surau.

"Muslimin yang berpuasa berhak kepada dua kegembiraan: ketika berbuka puasa, dan pada hari raya. Kegembiraan dalam konteks hadis ini bukanlah bermaksud suka-ria, tapi gembira ini adalah gembira yang berpatutan."

Hari yang panjang, makan nasi dagang, nasi lemak udang, roti jala rendang daging pedas pahang, spaghetti laksa johor, satay, and the highlight of the day, nasi bukhari. Went to tok ayah's graveyard for the first time in my life, met with a relative that lives ij the same college as me, aknowledged a few family affairs, and slept pretty much most of the day.

Wrapping this up with a joke.

"Nok gi mesir ni sapo sponsor?"
"Under mara."
"Oh mara, kalu dok mara, jpj dih?"
"Mano pulok jpj, tok sponsor doktor tu, sponsor bekki jale."

posted from Bloggeroid

047. Kembali berhubung

2011-08-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

Sim card lama dah dapat
Nombor lama masih guna
contact number semua hilang

046. Kurang sihat ;(

2011-08-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

A bowl of porridge, a bottle of 100PLUS and abundant rest with my fluffy rainbow blanket wrapped around me should ought to do the trick.

045. Halusi lagi

2011-08-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

Dalam CFS IIUM PJ ini, adanya jurusan ICT. Dalam jurusan ICT ini, ada satu persatuan yang berlandaskan akademik ICT (in other words, all the geeks united) yang dinamakan INTECH_SS (ahlinya dinamakan ICTzens) , dan dalam INTECH_SS ini ada Committee line-up. Selain dari committee line-up pulak, ada satu pasukan aktif yang menjadi tunjang kukuhnya INTECH_SS (seniors' words, not mine) So nak dipendekkan ceritanya, tadi ada meeting. Meetinglah sangat, 16/47 yang hadir (itu pun jadi 15, Amirul Haziq left an hour later). Topik hari ini, 'Islam sebagai Ad-Din' Ada jemputan dua orang brothers untuk menyampaikan some words of wisdom; Seorang dari Medcy, seorang dari FRCC.

The Medcy dude was really simple and straightforward. Apakah Islam? Dan sememangnya, apabila seorang ditanya definisi Dopler's Effect, secara detailnya boleh jawab, tapi sesuatu yang general dan praktikal seperti ini, hendak didefinisikan secara teorinya yang terperinci....susah. But he enlightened us, so bless you dear Medcy dude, may you excell in your finals!

Islam menjaga empat perkara.

Nyawa, bila tak jaga, Qisas. (Membunuh)
Akal, bila tak jaga, sebat (Arak)
Agama, bila tak jaga, bunuh (Murtad)
Keturunan, bila tak jaga, rejam/sebat (zina)
Harta, bila tak jaga, potong tangan (mencuri)

Ciri-ciri Islam ada 10

Rabbaniyah - ketuhanan
Syumul - lengkap
Adil - sama rata
Alamiyah - universal
Waqi'yah - sesuai untuk semua zaman
Ajaran tak susah
Tak ada paksaan
Inqilabiyah - Bangun selepas kejatuhan jahiliyah
Thabat - tetap (Akidah)
Murunah - Anjal (Syariah)

Lepas itu divided into group. Sepatutnya group yang minggu lepas. Tapi memang ketua pun datangkan? *sarkastik . So masuk group sementara, debatkan satu persoalan yang berpaling dari konsep agama. Group aku dapat, "Islam tu susah, mengongkong, apa yang senang?" Brother Ruslan jadi fascilitator, dan dia bagi example anak bongsu adik beradik 8, tetiba semua mati termasuk parents, nak minum arak to ease that pain.

Once I heard that, I started attacking. I've been watching Oprah for years, she talks about addiction all the time, and I've been doing a research on Patience as one of the virtues for Basic Themes of Alquran, and English Debate training taught me how to manipulate people by rephrasing a negative statement into a not-so-bad statement, of course I had things to say, what relevance does drinking have anything to do with solving any problems? It doesn't, in fact it makes things work for most cases and to justify why Islam forbids us from drinking alcohol is because it doesn't solve anything, and it shouldn't even be an option at times when we're feeling down. Everything happens for a reason, and when something bad happens, drinking your sorrows away in an attempt to escape from the problem is such a cowardly action. We should confront those problems and actually solve them, with a rational state of mind!

Lepas tu cakap pasal perang, aku tak suka perang, aku tak tahu menahu pasal perang. Minta maaf Husni, Huzaifah, aku tak ada idea berkaitan perang, attention aku beralih kepada Amirul Asyraf yang bersemangat gaduh dengan president, tahan gelak je aku dengar.

Bila dah habis meeting tu, aku tolong-tolong susun balik kerusi. Brother Ruslan tanya dulu aku sekolah mana. See, I don't see the relevance. Aku tak tahu kenapa orang selalu tanya soalan itu, especially bila somehow you leave an impression towards someone, soalan itu akan timbul. Apa significantnya?

"Sekolah kerajaan biasa."
"Kat mana?"
"Shah Alam"
"SMK...A?"
"SMK!"

That's just how we rolllllllll~

043. Merpati

2011-08-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

Sebelum Alexander Graham Bell mencipta telefon, semua orang telah hidup dengan aman dan tenteram. Tak ada sebab aku perlu memperkecilkan skop pemikiran aku tentang alat komunikasi yang wujud di dunia ini sejak bertahun-tahun dahulu.

Asap - mana aku nak cari arang?
Telegram - tak reti morse code
Biduk - azan pun boleh dengar
Merpati - .....not a bad idea.

Azwa dah mula ejek aku dengan hal-hal berkaitan merpati. "Ko bisik kat merpati tu 'pergi SMAWP~~ cari Raihana~' haha"

Untunglah~ ,Azwa ada phone.

042. Allah Membantu

2011-08-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

Straight to the point, phone kena curi.

Location :Bazaar Ramadhan

Time: around 6PM

With: Classmates

Hari ini hari Selasa, dan bagi seorang pelajar CFS IIUM Petaling Jaya, hari ini ada pasar malam, dan kelas Database yang sepatutnya habis pukul 6 diawalkan pukul 5.30, jadi lepas Solat Asar di Mahallah Khadijah, terus keluar pergi Bazaar.

Aku bukanlah seorang kaki pasar malam. Aku tidak diajar untuk ke Bazaar/Pasar Malam setiap hari di bulan Ramadhan, bukan budaya keluarga aku, tapi satu-satunya sebab yang mendorong aku untuk bersemangat pergi ke Bazaar adalah menu 'Nasi Beriyani Campur Ayam Goreng' yang menawarkan penambahan nasi dengan harga standard RM3.50. Hidangan itu sangat sedap dan hanya dijual oleh beberapa peniaga yang salah satunya mempunyai sebelas jari. Memang nawaitu singgah gerai itu sahaja, dan sememangnya singgah gerai itu sahaja. Tak sangka hanya satu persinggahan membawa terus kepada satu kehilangan.

Nak cakap sakit hati, memang sakit. Nak cakap sedih, memang sedih. Nak cakap marah, memang marah. Tapi dalam dilema persaan yang campur baur ini, aku cuba mendominasikan fikiran otak logik yang nisbahnya aku ada 1:9. Banyak aku fikir, jujur cakap aku khuatir tarawih aku tadi khusyu'.

Nk jadikan cerita, telefon bimbit Shahirah kena pick pocket dulu, tak pasti sangat kronologi jenayah ini, tapi yang pasti, Shahirah perasan dulu. Bila balik bilik, Azwa tanya. "Ko baca tak msg ko tadi? Aku call tak jawab pun, call lagi terus tak boleh. Cuba check phone ko." Dari pencarian yang tak berhujung itu, tiba-tiba discover this almost-fist-size-hole yang bila ditelaah nampak sangat artificial. Right then I knew, my Android's gone and I won't see it again.

Benda yang dah berlaku, dah berlaku. Kalau nak pergi cari penyeluk saku/hole-maker itu, kebarangkalian untuk jumpa balik dengan pengetahuan identiti penjenayah itu sangatlah rendah, mungkin hampir sifar. Tapi bila difikirkan balik, worse could've happened, but it didn't. Aku mungkin bawak Camera tadi, tapi Alhamdulillah tak bawak, so it's still in my locker. Mungkin hard disk Nadia yang memang ada dalam beg aku tadi, turut dicuri, tapi Alhamddulillah masih ada. Kemungkinan purse aku juga menjadi target si penjenayah, tapi Alhamdulillah IC, Kad Matrik, Kad Bank, Kad Touch n Godan wang dalam tu selamat. Dan worst Case Scenario, I could've died. Some mad man could've randomly poked a knife in my body and ran away with my bag, tapi benda itu tak berlaku. Highly unlikely, but that's the worst case scenario. Banyak lagi senario-senario yang lebih teruk dari situasi sekarang, berlegar-legar di fikiran, dan satu-satunya reaksi aku bagi fikiran-fikiran tersebut ialah, Alhamdulillah, kehilangan ini tidaklah seteruk dari yang mungkin berlaku, dan mungkin ada hikmah sebalik kehilangan ini. There are 2 sides of a coin, and now I'm probably just seeing one side of it.

Aku jugak fikir, apakah dorongan manusia melakukan perkara yang tidak bertauliah itu? Mungkin hidup dia susah. Mungkin dia dah lama nak phone, tapi tak ada duit nak beli. Mungkin dia rasa hebat mencuri phone orang lain. Mungkin aku ni experiment, latihan untuk pencurian yang lebih besar. Apa-apa hal insan itu melakukan demikian, Damn you jerk, may Allah guide you towards the true path.

Ummi already knows, called right after I realized it was gone, guna phone Azwa. Ummi cakap kalau nak kontek, send her an e-mail. So that means I'd be using the internet everyday. Ummi cakap jangan bersedih, lain kali berhati-hati, aku rasa tak pergi dah pasar malam, tobat (although, that Nasi Beriyani is very tempting)

Tadi browse-browse e-mail, one of the newsletter memang kena batang hidung sendiri, so'll end this with that one paragraph pertaining the situation.

"The outlook of things on the surface may not appear to be favorable & life is full of uncertainty. But worrying about things is not going to change anything or make anything better, in fact it's more likely to consume all your thoughts, and then at a time when opportunity awaits you, you will miss it because your focus is in the wrong place. Perception is key, do not perceive all doors locked, you have the key to one of them, you just need to believe.Change the atmosphere in your surroundings, & develop an optimistic outlook!"

041. Isi sama, kulit baru.

2011-08-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

Library Seksyen 13, pusat rujukan ilmu/medan fotografi (Bapak besar DSLR mamat SPM tu)

Akhirnya budak-budak dah tak boleh tinggalan buku atas meja dan melepak di PAS/SACC/PKNS. =) Terima kasih kerajaan, the new library rocks. Interesting architecture, cool interior and a very organized database. Buku je yang tak banyak, ironis betul. Eventually banyak lah tu nanti.

040. Praktikal secara Teorinya

2011-08-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

Praktikal: untuk bertindak dan beroperasi secara betul

Teori: Untuk memahami operasi tersebut secara mendalam

dan menguasai sesebuah ilmu adalah dengan menguasai kedua-dua kemahiran tersebut. Satu cabaran, semestinya, apabila semua orang mampu melakukan salah satu kemahiran tersebut, tapi hanya sedikit yang mampu menggabungkan kedua-dua kemahiran tersebut dan melakukannya sekaligus.

Mungkin ini tampil sebagai satu alasan, but I beg to differ. Fine, aku mengaku, subjek-subjek teori aku tidaklah tinggi, tapi aku tahu aku salah. Dan walau aku mengaku kesalahan sendiri, aku masih berpegang kepada falsafah aku mengenai penguasaan ilmu, iaitu, semua orang mampu mempelajari sebahagian daripada ilmu dalam satu bidang, tapi hanya orang-orang yang tertentu mampu menguasainya; in theory and practical.

Sesuatu yang sudah sememangnya secara fitrahnya belajar secara praktikal tiba-tiba nak memahami teori disebalik operasi tersebut agak...culture shock? Dan vice versa with theory. Faham satu teori, tahu aplikasinya, tapi dua-dua pemahaman tersebut bukan di muka surat yang sama.

It's hard to put two and two together (or otak aku je yang one track minded?)

Done with this, nak pergi belajar Torque dengan Khan Academy.
Playing Malam bulan dipagar bintang on repeat (I'm feeling a bit classic tonight, layan Ramlee ngorat Cik Rose XD)

039. Tarawih under the stars

2011-08-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

Orang lain berhias dengan jubahnya, baju muslimahnya, baju kurungnya bawah telekung, Tarawih di masjid. Aku berkain batik, tarawih di pinggiran khemah, di bawah bintang-bintang berkemerlipan.

Okay, tipu. Malam ni takde bintang. Tapi tengok langit yang gelap beserta awan yang agak kurang gelapnya sudah cukup memuaskan. Yang penting, moreh aku dapat.

Tolong, aku curious. Apa asal usul moreh? Google pun tak dapat nak tolong. Anyone? Care to enlighten me?

038. Midvalley

2011-07-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

"Wei, paper aku dah habis, ko dah siap ke belum?"
".....Aku baru bangun"

Bertuah punya Azwa.

Pengakuan, paper Computer dan Basic themes of alQuran sangatlah tidak boleh dijawab. It's like Biology for SPM all over again. Study tak masuk. But of course, I'm to blame, not the subjects.

037. Hamba Ramadhan

2011-07-29T07:08:00.000-07:00

"Jadi hamba Allah, jangan jadi hamba Ramadhan."

Ayat itu masih segar dalam ingatan. Ayat seorang Ustaz di Surau Taqwa, tazkirah sekejap selepas rakaat keempat tarawih. Aku dah blog pasal hal ini tahun lepas, iaitu isu keikhlasan, bersama dengan topik Lailatul Qadar, tapi jari sangat malas untuk ber-ctrl+C dan ber-ctrl+V, maka tekanlah link ini, (By natures changing course untrimm'd), blog post Ramadhan aku tahun lepas, zaman tengah-tengah nak trial.

Tadi halaqah umum selepas Maghrib Jemaah, berdiskusi hal persediaan Ramadhan dan ingin aku berkongsi sedikit sebanyak input perbincangan tersebut.

Katakan "Aku berpuasa"

Mungkin rutin dosa-dosa kecil masih berlegar. Betapa mudahnya mengumpat, betapa senangnya hanyut dalam lagha, dan betapa naturalnya berboros, lebih-lebih lagi Mega Sale Raya berlumba-lumba nak timbul, dan mungkin keikhlasan puasa itu tidak cukup kuat untuk menjadi perisai, jadi kita kena ingatkan seluruh anggota badan kita yang mudah lupa ini (terutamanya hati, degil) bahawasanya "Aku Puasa"

2.Takutlah kepada yang Wajib

Semangat tiba-tiba 'up' nak buat solat sunat itu ini, tapi kalau dah terlajak tidur sebab Qiam, tertinggal Subuh, dimanakah prioriti?

"Degradation is a consolation, depression is motivation and fear is a drive."

Syaitan buat OPS lajak.

Sebulan dia outstation, semestinya dia nak spend masa lebih sikit sebelum dia blah sekejap. Dan operasi dia yang paling menjadi, semestinya lajak tidur Subuh. Petua bangun awal, baca Surah-surah 'alarm' sebelum tidur, insyaAllah tergerak otak nak kembalik kepada realiti.

Silent alarms: Sajadah, last Ayat of Kahfi....and a few that I've forgot(kalau tahu, bagitahulah)

Cikgu selalu cakap, kalau 24 jam tak revise balik ilmu yang dipelajari, nanti ilmu itu hilang. Maka aku tergerak nak ambil sedikit waktu study exam BTQ esok nak blog hal ini sebelum ilmu itu hilang dari benak fikiran.

Sekian, Selamat berlapar dan dahaga.

036. A spitefully brave bully

2011-07-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

Just watched Harry Potter 7 part 2 and I'm still speechless with the fact that it's all over. It's like reading the last words of the last book from this epicly saga, it's just so....surreal.

Okay, fine. I read the book a couple of years ago- terrific book, fantastic read- and tumblr has been filled with immense reblogging of HP related gifs and caps and interviews and past-now comparisons and dedications and all those stuff, so it's not really a surprise. Rather, a satisfaction.

When I read the first 6 books, I've always thought that Snape would be one of the villains. The first one to kill Harry the moment he gets the chance, but then Deathly Hallows happened and it twisted the plot so much, that if there's a complex imaginary degree after 360, I would've used to describe this astonishing turn of events. Also, marking my favorite scene from the book: Snape's penceive. It totally explained each and every of Snape's behavior from the first book to the last one. It was very significant and even during that time Half-blooded prince wasn't even out yet, i was wondering how would the directors pull off this Snape's penceive scene, and would it satisfy me?

Of course it did. In fact, I wished it was longer

I mean, come on now, Petunia jealous of Lily for becoming a wizard, Snape and Lily's friendship even before they entered Hogwarts, the rivalry between Snape and James, and the sincerity of Snape's love towards Lily, how he never told his feelings but always loved her from afar, begging Dumbledore to keep the Potters safe and grieving on Lily's death, formed hatred towards Harry but at the same time protecting him for the fact that he's her child.

Also It kind of explained how pure Snape's heart is, behind that greasy black hair and uptight creepy aura. The scene where he mourned over Lily's body was so emotional I never knew he was even capable of those feelings.

"After all this time?"
"Always"

Adding that to Snape's penceive in Order of phoenix, the one where James humiliated Snape in front of lily, and Lily tried saving him, but Snape jerkish-ly called her a mud-blood (smooth move dude~) in which Lily never forgave him, but he never stopped loving her. It's just so....beautiful *sobs*

and his final words to Harry, "You do have your mother's eyes" I've been listening to people saying that since book 1, but Snape saying that after all these years.. it's just... I can't bear all of this sadness anymore.

Let's move to a happy loving living couple shall we? of course, Neville Longbottom & Luna Lovegood. The ignored class weakling and the ignored school lunatic. How can people NOT love them? They's just so different and unique from everyone else that they're perfect for each other

"Have you seen Luna? I'm mad for her. I think it's about time I told her, since we'll probably both be dead by dawn!"

All in a nutchell, Harry Potter was truly the first novel I actually read from the first page of Sorcerer's Stone to the last page of Deathly Hallows, and from there I started creating a sort of fondness towards reading, thus my vocabulary (err, doesn't actually show) but J.K.Rowling, thank you. For your words, for your ideas, for the fantasy world you created, thank you, for the epic journey....that ends here.

Oh, and saw this on tumblr, forever reblog.

☐ Single
☐ Taken
☑ Waiting for someone to love me as much as Severus Snape loved Lily Potter ♥

035. Pertarungan otak dan perut

2011-07-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

Otak menang.

034. Lewat

2011-07-25T05:24:00.000-07:00

1907; realiti dan ingatan bukan di muka surat yang sama.

033. Aneh

2011-07-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

One of the coolest strangers I know just got involved in an accident.

Ayat yang penuh dalam benak fikiran tiba-tiba menghilang.
Mungkin impak terkejut. Yalah, tak sangka. Tapi kejutan apakah yang mampu disangkakan? Bukan nama kejutan lah macam tu.

Strangers, or not strangers, apa-apa hal, aku doakan kau selamat. Amin.

Esok mula Mid-Sem. Minggu lepas lagi sebenarnya, tapi time interval antara database dengan subjek lain, cukup besar, sampai markah untuk ujian teori dah dapat balik dah pun (A- je, Alhamdulillah). Yang pasti, aku kena catch-up, terasa ketinggalan.

Doakan usaha aku, doakan kejayaan yang menyusul usaha aku tersebut, Amin.

032. Surat Cinta Melayang dari KC

2011-07-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ter'pin' depan pintu balik, hari Selasa, pulang dari Kelas Matematik.

Hana yang perasan dulu. Dia ckp "Naelah, ada surat untk awak kat pintu kenapa tak ambik?"

Aku ni invisible. Kalau ada orang ingat nama aku, aku rasa begitu pelik, macam.. "Haha, lawaknya"

Eh eh, betullah!

a snippet from the letter:-

"Sometimes Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul,Sometimes Allah breaks our heart to make us whole..."

thank you Afifah Ubaidillah, untuk surat itu, dan handphone strap heart itu, dan apple itu, dan surat satu lagi itu, dan of course, terima kasih untuk hati yang ikhlas ❥

030. Ironis

2011-07-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

Lokasi: Office Abah, Fakulti Matematik & Sains Komputer UiTM Shah Alam
Medium alam maya: Macbook Air Abah
Dalam minda: Hehe, home sweet home

Tadi hajatnya nak berjumpa dengan Ummi atas komuter. Ummi naik dari Bank Negara, aku naik dari KL Sentral. Namun, kesesakan lautan manusia menghindarkan aku dari mengusahakan perjumpaan tersebut. Maka, berjumpalah di stesen Padang Jawa, turun dari komuter. Ummi cakap dia jumpa Tqa.

Aku cam...Tqa? Tqa aku? Kawan sehidup semati aku itu? Ish..tak mungkin.

Mula-mula aku menafikan pernyataan tersebut. Yalah, Tiqa kan UIA Nilai, narat nak naik KTM jauh-jauh semata-mata nak balik rumah. Hari itu aku ajak naik KTM sama-sama, dia taknak. Balik Kajang tiap-tiap minggu. Mak aku salah orang kot~ , tapi mak aku memang tersangatlah yakin bahawasanya orang tersebut adalah Tqa.

Ummi suruh jugak msg Tqa, dia call. Tup tup, mmg sah dia ada dalam Ladies Coach tadi.

LOL, what are the odds? Aku dan Tqa dalam coach yg sama, tapi tak perasan langsung kehadiran masing-masing.

Ironis.

029. Hati remuk

2011-07-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

it started off, with denial. I didn't want to believe it- no- it was surreal. The words were translated into my brain, but the meaning of it remained outside the gate. But eventually I realized, that it's not a prank, (of course, Madame would never even relate to a prank, let alone do it.) So it's true, then a sense of betrayal dominated my feelings, and the haunting questions:"Why wasn't I informed?" "Why didn't any of them consult any of us?" "Why all of a sudden?". And then someone had the decency to enlighten me with a reason. But the problem is, I wasn't enlightened, and it was more of an excuse rather than reason- a pretty lame one, I must add. So that feeling of betrayal, turned into this maddening anger. I just had to go away from there before I punch anyone in the face. I mean, if it's going to be a lame excuse, you might as well not mention it at all. With all these negative energy inside me, I wanted to neutralize my body, and so I channeled those energy out in the form of tears- yup, converting anger into sorrow.

--I try not to think about it as much, it's just overall so devastating. But after thinking about it, it's probably not the reason for all these mixed emotions. Rather, it's a trigger. I tend to pent up my feelings by convincing myself to endure all these not-so-pleasent things happening at once. Physic class suddenly popping up in my weekend planner right after I took my 'I'm-going-home' card, that unremovable stain on one of my favorite Baju Kurungs, doing the physic lab report all alone (Okay, Ain dah belanja Chicken Chop, terasa appreciated, dah rasa ok. Terima kasih Ain ;D), and quizzes and tutorials attacking here and there as if it's a prey-predator relationship between us.

Plus I haven't reblogged anything depressing as of...months.
Grr...ni nak makan orang ni!

Hati, tolong jangan pilu.

028. Annex Highland

2011-07-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

Apa tengok-tengok? Tak pernah tengok orang bawak selimut pergi Annex?

Okay, fine, sedikit pelik, tapi otot-otot dan tulang-tulang yang berketar akibat kesejukan tahap membeku otak hanya Allah yang tahu.

Hari itu in-house training. Aku tak patut pergi pun sebenarnya. Yelah, aku ni hanyalah vice Bureau, itu pun yang back-up baru melangkah kehadapan sebab ketua naik jadi MRC. Namun, kedatangan aku itu tidak sia-sia, malah, banyak input yang aku dapat. Siap jadi programme director untuk DSLR workshop yang bakal diadakan September ini (insyaAllah)

Alls well, ends well. Harapnya, kejadian yang akan datang berlaku dengan sebaik-baiknya.

027. Dipandang, dianalisis, dinilai.

2011-06-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Pada suatu malam yang hening dan tidak begitu tenang, ada interview main board INTECH_SS (which is, ICTzen's society, if you didn't know), jujur cakap, tak cuak, tapi muka-muka interview sangatlah like a BAWS!!!!! yang membuat aku kurang selesa dalam menjawab soalan-soalan yang ditujukan.

Ini dah kira interview yang ketiga, dan aku perasan, satu soalan yang sangat common, penting dan 'duuuuuh!' untuk aku sebutkan, iaitu "Describe yourself in 2 minutes!" Dan setiap kali aku menjawab, tak pernah bersedia, so I end up talking about how I was born, and how I went to a lot of different schools, and how I don't talk much, bla bla bla life, which is boring, aku tahu, jadi sekarang aku mahu brainstorm, cara-cara untuk meng'appeal'kan aku dalam 2 minit.

"I know a lot of people have been interviewed before me, and I'm pretty sure that they have talked a lot about their qualities and professionalism in this field, so why don't I change that a bit, let me tell you my flaws, my small imperfection that makes me human. I ' not punctual, I always arrive 30 hours late, even when I get ready half an hour early. I tend to mess up my schedule, I'm flexible on rules, I'm a bit of a procrastinator, and quite a heavy sleeper. And that's me, as real as I could ever be, and by telling this, I can now lift the burden of trying to impersonate perfection, and actually try to fix my flaws, I believe that I can improve my individuality and become better in those aspects that I'm lacking. I have a lot of things that needs to improve, but I'm not afraid to hide them, and for sure, I'm trying to be better. "

Temuduga, satu perkataan yang menggerunkan, satu tempoh masa yang anda bersetuju untuk dinilai.

026. 407

2011-06-25T04:01:00.000-07:00

Lokasi: Block E , Asalnya duduk atas tangga, terpaksa berdiri, orang nak turun tangga, baru habis kelas.
Masa: 2.57 , sebelum mulanya kelas Math, Madame Haza belum tiba.
Medium gambar: Android , aku punya, dalam kelas duk bluetooth semua orang.
Photographer: Megat beatbox , malang datang on time, tidak awal tidak lewat.

Fakta, ini sahajalah mu'annas dalam kelas, dan hanya 6 dari kami yang ambil program satu tahun.

025. Harapan palsu

2011-06-25T02:03:00.000-07:00

Dulu punyalah impressed dengan Wanna B, punyalah menunggu official full length version. Tiba-tiba Freeze pulak yang dipromote. Okay, Freeze takdelah teruk, tapi dia bukan Wanna B, lain. Pastu keluar teaser Halo, punyalah duk ingat ada chance nak layan seni hip hop yang sebenar, last last Tell Them jugak jadi title track.

Aduh, Loen Ent, kenapa kau asyik bagi harapan palsu? And what's up with Zico's dreadlocks? Someone please, enlighten me!

Well at least, Kyung still has his geek glasses...and swag.

*jamming to Halo

024. Sajak meleleh dari lidah pujangga umpama madu

2011-06-23T21:11:00.000-07:00

Favourite scene in a movie, from the 2nd most favourite movie ever. (1st was It's kind of a funny thing.)

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”

023. Tenang yang maut

2011-06-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

Teringat ketika Form 1 dulu, hidup porak-peranda, semua serba-serbi tak kena, tekanan perasaan yang tinggi dan masalah yang begitu complex membuat dada aku sesak untuk bernafas, dan hidup terasa begitu berat untuk dibawa, terasa seperti nak pindah sekolah masa tu jugak! Tapi satu perkara sahaja yang mewujudkan perasaan 'masih ingin bertahan' dalam diri - Bumbung.

Tidak, bukanlah aku ingin membunuh diri ketika itu, soalnya, aku perlukan sebuah cara untuk menyalurkan tenaga negatif dalam diri aku untuk keluar, dan bumbung itu merupakan satu tempat yang tersangatlah sesuai.

Bagaimanakah hendak gambarkan perasaan berada di atas bumbung, sesuatu yang maya hendak dizahirkan dengan kata-kata...

Terasa seperti dunia ini berubah menjadi begitu perlahan, terasa seperti hati ini dipujuk dengan tepukan angin bayu, terasa seperti kritikan dan penghinaan yang diberi tidak bermakna, terasa begitu indahnya alam, terasa seperti bernafas kerana mahu dan bukan kerana tekanan dalam paru-paru, terasa seperti... masalah itu lutsinar untuk sementara waktu. Walaupun ia tak hilang, ia memberi ruang untuk aku bernafas- dan aku tak boleh bayang keadaan aku sekiranya berlaku sebaliknya.

Apabila aku tiba di CFS IIUM ini, perkara pertama yang aku ingin pastikan, ialah bahawasanya bumbung asrama itu mampu dipijak, betapa kecewanya aku apabila mendapat tahu yang bumbungnya rata, mampu dipijak, tapi pintunya tak terbuka untuk pelajar-pelajar seperti aku.

Ada cerita disebalik mangga besi itu, bermula dengan latar masanya yang berlaku ketika baru habis final sem, empat orang sekawan naik sampai atas bumbung Mahallah Khadijah, fakta tambahan kepada sesiapa yang tidak mengetahui, mahallah Khadijah ada 9 tingkat, maka bumbung itu boleh dikira tingkat yang ke-10. Aku tak pernah naik sampai bumbung Khadijah, jadi aku tidak boleh menggambarkan latar tempatnya, namun aku diberitahu yang terdapat satu 'gap' yang perlu dilangkah untuk ke bumbung tersebut. Aku tidak tahu sebesar mana gap itu, dan aku tidak boleh mengagak besar mana 'langkah' itu, yang pasti, lompatan itu memerlukan keberanian- dan kadang-kadang, keberanian itu tidak selari dengan rasionaliti. Fulan yang pertama lompat, lulus. Kedua lompat, lulus. Yang ketiga lompat....antara hidup dan mati, lulus hidup, gagal...kecundang. Dan hasil keberanian tak bertempat itu, beliau kecundang. Namun ajalnya belum sampai, tapi paralyzed seumur hidup bukanlah sesuatu yang banyak bezanya dengan maut itu sendiri.

Dalam dua minggu taaruf week itu, aku sedikit depressed mengetahui aku mungkin tidak mampu merasaai the rooftop effect selepas ini. Aku bukanlah mengagak yang kehidupan aku di sini akan bercelaru seperti dulu, kemahuan aku untuk merasainya sekali lagi bukanlah atas dasar masalah hidup, tetapi nikmat mengharungi pelbagai emosi itu semata-mata.

Apabila mendengar kata-kata berkaitan pembunuhan diri ini, dunia tumblr, yang penuh dengan suicidal thoughts nya (especially you Tihoh, that twisted mind of yours.), aku sering terfikir, bagaimanakah perasaannya, melalui free fall, apabila satu-satunya force yang berkaitan adalah graviti, dan bumi adalah final displacement.

Oh fizik, berapa orang dah mengaplikasikan kau?

022. Bukan malu, tapi perasaan disisih.

2011-06-21T11:10:00.000-07:00

Mungkin ramai tak tahu, tapi sepanjang hidup aku, kalau dikira taska, pre-school dan foundation studies, aku dah menyertai 7 buah institut pengajian. Aku tidaklah begitu heboh apabila berkait dengan perihal perpindahan sekolah aku yang boleh dikatakan kerap ini, namun bukan ertinya aku malu hendak mengaku aku pernah menjejak kaki dan menuntut ilmu di tempat-tempat tersebut, tetapi wujudnya perasaan inferior apabila dikelilingi bekas-bekas sekolah lama aku yang aku tak berapa rapat. Hal ini disebabkan sesuatu yang pernah berlaku suatu ketika dahulu, pada suatu hari yang tak begitu indah dan tak begitu tepat, aku berjumpa dengan rakan sekolah lama aku, begini perbualan kami.

"Camane sekolah kita sekarang?"
"errr.....sekolah kita?"
"Yelah, sekolah kau!"
"Oh, sekolah aku sekarang bla bla bla"

Pada mulanya aku beranggapan dia sarkastik dan berniat bergurau, namun setelah dia menekankan perkataan 'aku' tersebut, hati aku terasa dicakar-cakar dalam diam. Aku tulis 'bla' tu sebab memang dah tak dengar apa yang dia cakap, terkesima.

Aku faham konsep sekolah itu dianggap sebagai rumah kedua. Semua orang dianggap sebagai keluarga, tapi disebabkan aku meninggalkan keluarga aku yang itu dengan kehendak aku sendiri, kadang-kadang terasa seperti aku telah menganiayai kepercayaan dan harapan keluarga tersebut.

Namun, aku tidaklah membenci sekolah tersebut. Aku percaya, sekolah itu tak salah, pemboleh ubah manipulasi adalah pelajarnya. Hakikatnya, aku sangat menyayangi kesemua sekolah aku, aku percaya, seperit mana pengalaman di mana-mana sekolah aku yang dulu, ia mengajar aku kehidupan, dan aku tak mungkin boleh menerima falsafah kehidupan sekiranya tidak melalui suka duka tersebut.

Ramai orang beranggapan, semua orang ada dua sekolah; rendah dan menengah. Aku yang ada 7 ni, malas nak cerita panjang-panjang, cakap je yang latest.

Bukan maksud dendam kepada sekolah yang dulu. Bukan maksud sekolah itu tak layak untuk aku, tapi soalnya, adakah aku layak mengaku sekolah itu, sekolah aku?

Kadang-kadang, jawapan sekolah lama aku itu, mengurangkan beban jangkaan orang. Apabila sebut sahaja 'sekolah harian', dah tak tanya result SPM, dah tak ada susulan soalan, terus 'Oooo' memanjang. orang sudah siap menghakimi kita berdasarkan sekolah, kalau dah nama pun sekolah harian, seterotipikalnya, tak reti mengaji, tak tahu agama, susah dengar kata, kurang cerdik dan tak reti berbahasa Inggeris. Agak mengagumkan, betapa orang menaruh jangkaan tinggi terhadap sijil dan menilai berdasarkan fakta tersebut. Bukankah yang penting adalah ilmu yang aku telah timba? Begitu ironis.

021. Kecewa

2011-06-21T00:41:00.000-07:00

Facebook stalking can be very disappointing.

Aku melihat orang tersebut sebagai seseorang yang mempunya satu aura mistik yang membuat aku curiga dan curious mengenai peribadinya. Stalk-stalk Facebook, usha-usha blog, terus hilang aura mistik tersebut, terus beranjak paradigma aku.

=.= Berhasillah aku, yang sedikit kecewa dengan fakta. Membenci teknologi pada masa yang sama tidak boleh bayang hidup tanpa ia. Dalam kekeliruan dua garisan selari yang bercabang, mood mendengar Loenly version YG on air #6 berulang-ulang (tak lupa tumblr Tihoh)

I'm so lonely lonely lonely~
kenapa suara Park Bom sesuai sangat dgn lagu ini?

020. Citra Indah Qalisa

2011-06-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

Kalau anda seorang yang malas membaca buku, lebih-lebih lagi buku yang ditulis dalam bahasa yang anda kurang faham, maka anda dalam dilema, kerana anda berpendapat bahawasanya hasil nukilan bahasa ibunda kurang menepati citarasa anda, sila beritahu paradigma anda supaya bersedia untuk dianjak, kerana buku ini berpotensi mengubah falsafah anda mengenai kehidupan.

Okay, mungkin analogi 'mengubah falsafah anda mengenai kehidupan' sedikit melebih-lebih, tapi aku tak tahu macam mana lagi dah nak promote buku ini yang begitu seronok dibaca tapi diserapkan unsur-unsur falsafah tanpa nada serius merius yang selalu orang letak. Aku siap letak lukisan gambaran tuan pangkah jadi profile picture (gambar sebelah kiri)

Sekiranya kau hanya ingin mahu membaca satu buku seumur hidup, bacalah buku ini.

019. Hari Kebapaan Sedunia

2011-06-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

Secebis dari perbualan aku dan Abah.

"Happy Father's Day Abah!"
"Oh, terima kasih. Takdok hadioh ko?"
"Err...Kasih Sayang Ifah "
"Hahahaha, serupolah kito."

♥ sayang ketat-ketat

018. Panggilan Alam

2011-06-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

WARNING! JIKA ANDA SEORANG YANG TERSANGAT MEMENTINGKAN KEBERSIHAN, DAN SENSITIF TERHADAP PERKARA-PERKARA YANG MENJIJIKKAN, MAKA PERKARA BERIKUT MUNGKIN AKAN MEMBERI KESAN-KESAN SAMPINGAN SEPERTI MUNTAH, GELI DAN MUNGKIN JUGA MIMPI NGERI. MAKA DENGAN ITU, NASIHAT PENULIS IALAH, ABAIKAN BUTANG 'READ MORE' DI BAWAH, DAN PERGILAH MAKAN AIS KRIM MAT KOOL :)

Di dalam bilik air yang sesak, tengah-tengah dalam dilema penghasilan cecair kuning ketika menghasilkan cecair merah secara tidak langsung, ada orang dengan lantangnya bertanya "Camana wei nak seperate darah dgn kencing?" LOL

Laporan Cobaan Naelah menghasilkan cecair kuning

Cubaan Pertama: Gagal

*pergi minum air

Cubaan Kedua: Gagal

*Meminta petua dan tips-tips berguna dari Azwa

Cubaan Ketiga: Gagal

*Ambik air minuman nurse-nurse.

Cubaan keempat: Gagal

*Pasrah

Cubaan Kelima: Berjaya!

*Dilute pun dilutelah.

--
Selepas Kelas Arab (iaitu 2 jam selepas itu)

*berlari ke tandas

017. Soley Soley

2011-06-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

Aku tak faham kenapa semua orang suka sangat Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah.

Sebab bagi aku, Zombie Kampung Pisang lagi lawak.

016. Paradigma

2011-06-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

Tiga perkara ingin aku katakan.

1.Gambar-gambar telah diupload ke facebook, album CFS IIUM 2011/2012
2. Tak, tak semua gambar hitam putih
3. Semua gambar diedit dalam camera, sekian.

015. Nerd

2011-06-11T02:22:00.000-07:00

Minta maaf bahasa, but this post just has to be in English.

I know most nerds are in the star wars fandom, imitating light sabers pretending to be anakin sky walker, or remembering Yoda quotes, but for me, I'm in the X-men fandom.

Okay, so I've never actually have read or even seen the original 1960's comic, but I did follow the cartoon that was released in the 1990's, so I have a quite clear plot on how X-men is supposed to be, and I must say, none of the X-men movies did any justice to the original storyline.

I mean, seriously nightcrawler a 40 year old religious blue German? I know he's German, I know he's blue, but he's not forty. He's supposed to be the same age as Rouge. And Rouge dating that ice dude, who wasn't even part of the main subjects of the story, who suddenly is close to Kitty, whom does not have a strong accent at all (although, Ellen Page is a much better version), and Nightcrawler's supposed to have a crush on her, but he's 40! I think this is very absurd, because nightcrawler is supposed to be Mystique's long lost son, and Cyclops supposed to have a brother, and Magneto is supposed to have two sons, and Storm is supposed to have a nephew who is supposed to be one of the main characters that develops into an antagonist, and don't get me started with Jean Grey, not to mention all the small enemy mutants were disregarded just like that...what I'm trying to say is, I'm disappointed with the directors in Hollywood that does not follow the plot AT ALL.

But X-men First Class is kinda different, because it's a prologue, and prologue means that the story was not part of the plot, so it can be anything. And if I were to verdict this movie: 3.8/5

Okay, from the first minute till the credits were rolling I was like "Where's Storm?" Isn't she like the oldest friend of Xavier? Did Halle Barry rejected the cameo offer or something? Because Hugh Jackman did appear a mere 10 seconds or so. I knew that even before watching the movie (My tumblr dashboard was filled with it)

The whole plot was quite surprising, I never knew that Mystique and the professor had a brother sister relationship- and I certainly never knew professor flirted with his words of science. And wasn't the Cerebro invented by Professor? Instead of Hank McCoy. Lol Hank, I didn't actually realized the name, til he actually turned blue. I'm like, Robin Williams played an older version of this guy?

Seriously? I was surprised that the writers even included his history, I mean, in the cartoon, Hank McCoy joined the X-men team in one of the later seasons, and the first episode that he appeared on, featured him all hulky and blue, so to know that he originally looked like that was...surprising.

Also, Alex Summers a.k.a Havok. I didn't notice the similarities to Cyclops until someone mentioned it on tumblr. So I looked it up on wiki, and turns out Cyclops have like 4 brothers, but was briefly mentioned in the comic. However, in the cartoon, only Alex Summers was revealed, and I remember very clearly, that his powers was fire shooting from his palms, and he's a younger brother. So this so called Alex Summers from the generation of Professor X, emits rings of red super heated energy waves. It was never mentioned in the movie that he was related to Cyclops, but in the official website it does, and it doesn't quite make sense, because even if he's like 2 decades younger than professor, that still brings a huge gap between him and Cyclops. It's more likely to believe that Havok is Cyclops' father. (Lol)

My favourite part of the movie would definitely be the part when Professor Xavier's spine got hit by a bullet. I knew that there would be a tragedy explaining why he's in a wheelchair, but I did not expect it to be an accident. I thought maybe, oh some CIA agent wants to paralyze a telepath for some reason, but no, turned out Magneto deflected a bullet coming to him that accidentally hit Professor's spinal chord.

and it was during a chaotic moment, Magneto was reversing all the nukes that was heading towards them, to face the marines,

and professor was in the midst of stopping him, and that CIA agent started shooting bullets- everything was happening fast, and during the third bullet, it hit professor's spinal Chord, and everything went slow motion. Focusing on Professor's face expressing intense agony, Mystique crying and Magneto finally realizing what he has done, quickly pulling out the bullet with his mind, seriously I replayed that part like 5 times.

I think, X-Men: First Class is basically the story about how Magneto turned out being Professor's arch nemesis. Even though Professor had more dialogues, Magneto had more scenes, a very intense and emotional childhood, that manly single tear scene (...like a man)

not to mention speaking Russian, Spanish and French! All I gotta say is

Overall, it's a nice watch, the only reason I lowered the verdict was because of the unnecessary excessive amounts of bikini in this movie. I mean really, being the bad guys of the movie, your secret hide out is at a high class stripper bar? It's just very unnecessary. But disregarding that , everything else was perfectly fine.

Oh wait, I almost forgot one more thing. Dear Professor,I cannot remove the image of you with long ears, goat legs, holding an umbrella under a lamp post in Narnia.

if you want to watch it online, you have to excuse the quality since it's recently out so, watch all you want

014. Kemusykilan

2011-06-10T03:38:00.000-07:00

Hari itu pergi rumah Cikgu Ni'ma. Belajar Add Maths. Ya, suatu ketika dahulu, aku ambil SPM. Dalam interval menyiapkan latihan Linear Motion, dia menceritakan kisah hidup dia berkenaan statusnya yang belum kahwin walau hampir.

Tak boleh lah ceritakan kat sini semua maklumat yang sulit itu, namun Cikgu menceritakan sesuatu yang mencurigakan. Cikgu cakap, kalau kita minat seseorang, tapi tak menyuarakan perasaan yang pendam itu, dan kita meniggal dunia dalam keadaan orang tersebut tidak mengetahui perasaan kita, dikira mati syahid.

Aku tak pernah dengar situasi ini, dan google subjek ini pun tak dapat apa-apa, jadi, setelah surut enthusiasm mencari hadis ini, tiba-tiba ada orang post di Facebook link thread iluvislam yang berkaitan perkara ini.

" sesiapa yg jatuh cinta, kemudian menyembunyikannya hingga kematian datang menjemputnya, maka dia adalah seorang shahid." (riwayat Hakim, Ibn Asakir, Al-Dailami, dan lain-lain)

Aku belum menelaah thread tersebut, tetapi aku berani menyatakan, kesahihannya masih belum pasti =,=

013. Penangan rindu

2011-06-09T23:06:00.000-07:00

Ya, itu ibuku

Tidak, ini bukan UIA

012. EnGenius vs. ICTzens

2011-06-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Beberapa fakta dari minggu ini:

1. Aku telah menukar jurusan dari Engineering ke ICT
2. Aku layak untuk program setahun
3. Aku telah mengisi borang aplikasi English Debate Club
4. Dan mungkin juga Mahallah Rep Committee, dan INTECH

Mungkin tidak semua, aku tak mahu terlalu sibuk dengan amanah-amanah tersebut, lebih-lebih lagi dengan beban himpunan subjek muatan setahun.

Batch ICT tahun ini sedikit unik, jumlah lelaki dua kali ganda jumlah perempuan (tak ramai pun sebenarnya, satu course ICT dalam 80 orang), fakta yang bercanggah dengan ideologi bilangan lelaki dalam IPT.

011. Suara berharap

2011-06-06T21:42:00.000-07:00

Hari ini result APT EPT tampal di notice board. Eh, sabar! tak pergi tengok pun lagi. Kita heroin tak gaduh, orang lain berebut nak tengok, lupa kawan & roommate, kita relax je.

Lokasi terkini: Mahallah Khadijah, bilik Effah
Keadaan emosi: Tenang (okay, tipu,cemas sedikit)
Medium alam maya: Laptop Effah, broadband.

Dua hari lepas Abah, Ummi, Una, Maryam datang menjenguk. Tidak dirancang pun lawatan tersebut, secara kebetulan kenduri kahwin berada dalam lingkungan radius koordinasi kedudukan aku di mata dunia. Aku meluahkan hasrat aku untuk mengalih course dari Engineering ke Computer Science, dan sememangnya aku telah mengisi borang semalam di Department of ICT, selepas briefing Academic di Dewan Al-Malik Faisal.

Mereka juga telah memaklumkan kepadaku, bahwasanya, mereka akan bertolak ke Kelantan tidak lama lagi. Itu bermakna, tiada sesiapa di rumah kecuali bibik. Hal ini sedikit sebanyak membimbangkan aku, oleh kerana aku menyimpan niat untuk pulang ke rumah minggu ini. Namun aku tidak khuatir,kerana aku ingin belajar menaiki kenderaan awam, dengan CFS IIUM ini sebagai titik permulaan, dan rumah sebagai titik pengakhiran.

Doakan keyakinan aku!

amin.

010. Ber 'jaya' Me 'nilai'

2011-06-04T02:25:00.000-07:00

Tadi budak-budak Nilai dah bertolak. Dapatlah jugak berkumpul sekejap bersarap di Cafe Bistro, kecuali orang tu. Adalah orang tu kan, yang blah dengan mak dia, kononnya nak bertolak lewat walhal terlebih awal. Orang tu, yang janji nak jumpa, tapi janji itu tak terkota. Orang tu, yang telah merobek hati ini (Cewah, takdelah, tak marah, cuma bengang sedikit)

Effah tukar course, dari BEn( Bachelor of English) ke PhySc(Physical Science). Sekurang-kurangnya adalah member lama yang stay kat PJ. Minggu ini tak balik, start minggu depan kot, macam kalut je lagi ni. Nanti nak senarai barang-barang yang tak digunakan, nak bawak balik rumah, dan senaraikan barang-barang yang diperlukan, untuk dibawa kemari. Usha buku, bawak Addmath & Physic, dan kalau relevan, buku-buku Abah berkenaan Sains Komputer; Introduction to database, Introduction to Programming, and Troubleshooting.

Seperti yang anda tahu, aku telah membeli sebuah kamera Olympus EPL-1 yang begitu awesome, dan CFS IIUM telah menjadi medan photoshoot aku dengan Effah yang menjadi model secara tidak langsung, dan latar tempat kebanyakkannya berada di Mahallah Zainab Al-Jahsyi, jadi nantikan gambar-gambar hasil penggambaran ini, dan mungkin sebuah movie kompilasi gambar-gambar dan rakaman, (sekiranya aku rajin)

Hakikat, aku lapar.

009. Salam Sakinah, Salam Mawaddah

2011-05-31T21:34:00.000-07:00

Atiqah ajak pegi CC, walhal pukul 1.30 kena kumpul

*Tukar subjek!

Dah habis semua test, al-maklum, kalau nak masuk UIA, be prepared to embrace the abundant amount of test yang relevan atau tidak relevan kepada course yang diambil. EPT was fine, umpama menjawab EST balik, (except for the Essay part, no reports on global warming whatsoever) . APT ...err I know I left the language for a while, and I've revised a bit for the test, but I was flabbergasted the least, at to how much I didn't understand the questions at all. Nak jawab apa ni, satu paragraph tu, Syajaroh je boleh faham =,= , tajuk essay pun tak tahu nak apa, tak boleh nak gebang, Sodaqallhul 'Azim sudah! Tilawah wasn't bad, tapi Exempted ke tak tu, Wallahualam.

Kalau ikutkan perasaan, memang nak Exempted dari mengambil apa-apa yang tak berkaitan dengan course, tapi bukankah ujian ini tujuan dia untuk menguji? To achieve the highest possible mark, bukanlah objektif utama ujian, sebaliknya, ujian itu adalah untuk menguji keupayaan kita. Macam SPM, ramai target nak straight A, walhal SPM itu tujuan dia nak melabelkan kebolehan akademik seseorang. Maybe my words aren't arranged as I'm intending it to, but bottom line is, apa-apa pun keputusan ujian ini, itulah kelayakan aku.

Kalau aku kena ambil kelas Arab ke, kelas Tilawah ke, maknanya aku belum layak untuk tidak mengambil kelas-kelas tersebut. Orang nak kata apa, lantak!

Mengenai kehidupan di CFS IIUM, so far, so good. Nice roommates, usable toilets, convenient facilities. Not 5-star standard, tapi boleh hidup, dan itu je yang penting.

Ramai yang dapat masuk course belajar kat UIA, Effah, Yashirah, Mcsue, Atiqah, dan seterusnya, tapi sedih lah sedikit, kampus mereka bertapak di Nilai, aku ditinggalkan di PJ. Minggu Taaruf je mereka melepak di sini, minggu depan dah takde. ;.;

Cadangan, CC UIA, gunalah Unifi! Laju sikit. Oleh sebab jalur lebar yang sempit ini, connectivity tidak seberapa, jadi gambar-gambar upload nanti.

Fakta, gambar kad matrix aku buruk! (baru habis catfight mungkin)

008. Samaran analog

2011-05-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

Semalam pergi Jalan TAR. Masuk Medan MARA, beli kamera.

Pertama kalinya membeli sesuatu yang berharga lebih dari seribu, dengan duit kumpul sendiri. Gabungan perasaan seronok dan bertanggungjawab pada ketika yang sama.

Kamera itu lawa. Olympus E-PL1, bukanlah DSLR tapi bukanlah juga Compact Camera, sebaliknya, ia gabungan kedua-duanya. A simplified DSLR with the weight of a compact camera, dan berbadankan kamera analog: mini SLR. Aku bukanlah Professional Photographer yang memerlukan kamera besar gedabak dan pelbagai lens yang tiduk kurang juga mahalnya. Tetapi aku menggunakan sebilangan fungsi DSLR yang membuatkan aku gemar memegang DSLR, namun fungsi-fungsi tersebut telah disimplifikasikan ke dalam badan kamera ini yang membuatkannya lebih mudah dibawa kemana sahaja bersama fungsi-fungsi sebuah DSLR tanpa beban berat dan beban takut calar atas dasar kemahalannya yang hampir mencecah batas.

Pergi Masjid Jalan Duta, nak sembahyang Zohor, snapped a few pictures, they were awesome. Niat memang nak upload, tapi sesungguhnya kamera tersebut telah selamat dipack bersama-sama barangan yang lain untuk diangkut ker UIA.

Seseungguhnya, pendaftaran masuk UIA berlangsung dalam lebih kurang 3 jam lagi. Dan aku masih mampu online.

007. Selamat tinggal pampers

2011-05-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

Ramai orang cakap, kehidupan kat U ni berbeza, lebih mencabar. Tapi teori aku berkata, zaman sekolah mereka itu senang. Kalau sudah terpacak persepsi kehidupan dari kaca mata seorang pelajar sekolah, maka dugaan yang lebih susah dikatakan mencabar. Mungkin perkara-perkara sebegitu tidak dijangka, oleh itu, cabaran itu dikatakan sesuatu perkara asing yang menyusahkan, dan bukannya dianggap sebagai kehidupan itu sendiri.

Ramai orang cakap, 'expect the unexpected', tapi frasa itu sendiri bagi aku, sangat tidak masuk akal. Sekiranya aku menjangkakan sesuatu yang aku fikir, tidak dijangka, maka jangkaan yang tidak dijangka itu secara langsung berubah menjadi jangkaan yang dijangka. Setelah lama meneliti frasa ini, aku ingin menyatakan pandangan aku bahawasanya wujud frasa yang lebih tepat dan mudah difahami : 'Expect nothing!'. Jangan jangka ia susah, dan jangan jangka ia mudah. Terima seadanya, dan manipulasi cara penerimaan itu berdasarkan penilaian selepas melaluinya. Sebagai persediaan awal, percayalah rasionaliti sendiri.

Aku menghadiri satu kursus persediaan ke IPT, anjuran PEMBINA. Para penceramah bukanlah terdiri daripada kelompok orang yang mempunyai kedoktoran falsafah dalam psikologi manusia, sebaliknya, hanyalah orang biasa yang layak memberi ceramah atas dasar mereka juga pernah berada di kasut kami yang bakal ke IPT. Satu ayat yang aku takkan lupa dari kursus itu,

"Jangan tunggu Prince charming atau heroin cun untuk muncul dalam hidup korang untuk memberi kata-kata semangat "You can do it!", sebab golongan ini tak wujud. Mereka fiksyen semata-mata."

Dan aku adalah watak utama filem yang aku tengah berlakon sekarang. Dalam filem ini, fokus cerita hanyalah aku seorang, dan dalam babak yang akan datang, aku akan berjaya dalam pengajian aku di IIUM. Memang, aku hanya merancang, Allah sebagai pengarah menentukannya. Mana tahu, ada plot twist tiba-tiba.

Aku balik Kelantan minggu lepas. Nenek aku tak habis-habis bagi aku nasihat yang berbentuk: Sabar, jangan berboyfriend lagi. Begitu ironis kata-kata tersebut, kerana aku sangatlah singular.

Tapi aku tahu, sesungguhnya reaksi paranoia nenek aku itu menunjukkan sifatnya yang mengambil berat perihal cucunya.Tak salah (~~just annoying sometimes~~)

Sudah 6 bulan, tiba masanya untuk menyibukkan diri dengan pembelajaran, assignments dan hal-hal yang sewaktu dengannya.

Goodbye to pampered life, Hello to actually living!

006. Burung Merak

2011-05-25T02:00:00.000-07:00

kalau kau tak faham tajuk merujuk kepada apa, maka kau tak akan faham kaitannya aku ingin menyatakan bahawasanya aku tak suka Superman, dan paras rupa Dr. Jekyll lagi hodoh dari Mr. Hyde, itu satu kenyataan.

Realiti, kau tak layak bersuara.